It seems funny to talk about emotions and feelings when talking about inanimate objects that can be replaced, but we place emotion and feelings on stuff all the time. It can be good or it can be really bad.

If you have a loving memory attached to a few chosen mementos in a little cardboard box or on a shelf, well cared for and displayed in your home it is all good and fun, because those things take you to a good place and make you feel good every time you look at them.

On the other hand, we, as human beings, tend to hold on to suffering and pain as well. Not only in thought but in objects that bring us sadness like 

• …an unwanted gift from someone who we know doesn’t really like us that we feel obliged to keep which is constant source of irritation.
• …a piece of jewellery from a broken romance or marriage.
• …something from a passed loved one that brings feeling of the sadness of loss.

We keep some stuff around out of guilt or obligation (because it was a “gift”) Out of anger ~ yes, even the most sane of us sometimes keep stuff to remind us to keep on disliking someone else!.  Out of remembrance even though it causes us pain. Out of fear that we might need it someday. And sometimes we don’t even know why we keep it. And many other reasons.

So, what to do? Well: get rid of it! Donate it, pass it on to someone else who might appreciate it. Or even trash it, burn it if you have strong need of a good purge. But get it away from you and your home along with the grief. In the case of a reminder of a passed loved one, learn to associate the object with happy memories of that person instead of the grief of losing them. 

I am saying this because our homes are our sanctuaries and should be treated as such.

Sanctuary, according to the Oxford Dictionary, is a “Refuge or safety from pursuit, persecution, or other danger”. We seek in our homes a place to be safe, to take a much needed break from the world outside. It is our refuge, our little piece of haven in this earth (or it should be it). Some of the readers even decluttered their tvs in order to have a more restful and calm environment at home. So, if we consider our homes our sanctuaries, why would we keep something attached with negative feelings for us in it? There is no logic in this choice and it can cause a deep hurt along the way.

So, if you have any object/stuff that brings out in you feelings of anger, angst, hate, deep hurt, unhappiness or anything really negative, think really hard if you should keep it, and consider getting rid of it as soon as possible, or better still now. 😀  That is especially true for things that came from people we don’t really care about or like.

So, do you have any objects that are bringing you hurt instead of being useful or reminding you of something good? Share your thoughts.

Today’s Mini Mission

Declutter something that has been sitting in a storage area for quite sometime but still isn’t being used.

“If we do not feel grateful for what we already have, what makes us think we’d be happy with more?” — Unknown

I know I have written about this subject before but it is one of those issues that are worth revisiting every now and again. Especially for those struggling with it or who have only recently started reading my blog and don’t have the time or inclination to start at the beginning. I know I wouldn’t have that sort of time up my sleeve.

I think most people who read my blog would have a certain number of true sentimental items in their home. These items are often things like baby ID bands, a child’s old teddy, the glasses you toasted with at your wedding, Grandma’s engagement ring… We all have special things that we feel we will never part with. There is nothing wrong with keeping these items after all we are decluttering our homes and if these items are dear to us then they aren’t clutter.

However there is are another kind of  “sentimental” clutter that can pervade your homes. These are  items that we fear have more sentimental value to someone else and we are only keeping them to avoid feelings of guilt or betrayal. Or to avoid that awkward moment when the person who gave it to you notices it is gone. Sometimes this may be true but quite often it is a fear dreamed up in our own mind and the other person involved really wouldn’t care or even remember that they gave it to you in the first place.

Take a look around your home in fact grab a pen and make a list of the sentimental items in your home that you would rather not keep. I am sure you can probably list them all without even looking. These objects are often easy to identify. They are the items that you feel obliged to keep even though they have outlived their usefulness to you or perhaps in some cases never actually had any in the first place. They are usually items given to you as a gift, an heirloom that has been handed down through the family or something made for you by another well meaning person.

The good news is it is actually possible to part with these items with minimal damage to your relationship with the giver. I have managed to give away many such things during my decluttering mission. And believe it or not I have not lost one loved ones affection because of it. Here are a list of some of those items…

• A calendar holder my father made for me – It was very nice and I am sure another person would love to have it. It soon became apparent that it was not suitable for my needs because I couldn’t turn the pages with out taking it off the wall and pulling the calendar out. I am a person who likes to write my appointments on my calendar and this was just too difficult with this style of holder.
• A silver tea set my parents gave me for my 21st birthday – I just didn’t like to clean it and it only ever sat there looking pretty and was never used to serve tea.
• A crystal duchess set my sister gave me for my 21st birthday – It is a bit dated now and I haven’t used it for years.
• A wooded 21st birthday key plaque my Godfather made me – It has warped over the years of varied weather in the multitude of places we have live and would no longer hang straight on the wall.
• A granny rug made by my husbands grandmother which didn’t suit my decor.
• Wine glasses given to us at our wedding.
• A bead spinner my MIL gave me – I actually gave it back to her and she was happy to have it.
• Shot glasses that were my Grandmother’s – I gave them to a friend of the family who collects shot glasses.
• And that engagement ring of my grandmother’s ~ Although I had no plan to let it go it occurred to me last year that my sister is more inclined to wear such things so I decided to give it to her. She was very pleased.

I am sure there are many more things but I can’t think of them right now. Yes I did feel a little guilty parting with some of them and yes I had to give it some serious thought before doing so and yes all of the people involved still talk to me. No most of them wouldn’t even realise that the items are gone and if they do so they aren’t so rude to ask. And no I do not regret it because I should not have to keep something I don’t want in my own home.

So don’t be confused between sentimental value and obligation. If there is something in your home that you no longer and maybe never did want you have every right to remove it. Hand it on to someone else who will appreciate it more. In some cases that may mean handing an heirloom on to someone else within the family. In another case you may want to offer the item back to the person who gave it too you. Maybe you can sell the item or maybe donate it to charity. Either way you should not feel obliged to keep it there.

TODAY’S MINI MISSION

Allow yourself to declutter something someone gave you, that you don’t really want, but have hung onto out of obligation.

ECO TIP OF THE DAY

If you have a garden purely for aesthetic reasons why not grow plants that require little or no watering. Purifying water uses a lot of energy and chemicals so the less we waste the better.

Cindy

I was making my semi-monthly trip through Costco and what did I spy everywhere I looked? Christmas items! Christmas foods, Christmas wrap, Christmas decorations, Christmas gifts, even Christmas Kleenex. (Okay, let’s be honest, what do you think is going to happen to Christmas candy that you bring home in September? Uh huh, that’s what I thought.)

Well I’m here to tell you – it’s too early to shop for Christmas. I am convinced that the earlier you start shopping, the more things you buy – both for yourself and for others. You buy a book for your child and by the time Christmas rolls around, that little genius has already outgrown that reading level or has checked it out from the library or borrowed it from a friend.  I can’t tell you how many years I planned and purchased in advance only to have my efforts thwarted.

In addition, you shouldn’t be buying so much that you need three months leading up to The Big Day. Now if you’re making homemade gifts, maybe you should start now. But I’m talking about purchased (impulsively purchased) gifts. Don’t waste your time and money and build clutter in your own house or someone else’s by purchasing too much, too soon. It can wait. I promise.

Today’s Mini Mission

Eco Tip For The Day

It matters not how fast I go, I hurry faster when I’m slow

Today I am going to share with you a little story from a relative of a friend which I found most amusing. It is in relation to unwanted gifts and goes like this…

One Christmas this mother whose children were grown and left home decided to do something a little different for Christmas. At sometime previously she had ceased purchasing gifts because they neither needed nor wanted anything. So prior to the Christmas in question she collected up things from around her house that the children had left behind. She then wrapped them up and put them under the tree.

On Christmas morning as the unexpected gifts were unwrapped plenty of laughs were had. Her daughter’s response to her gift of a porcelain figurine was ~ I didn’t want this when I received it for my 21st birthday, so I sure don’t want it now. The stunt had the desired effect. It was determined that neither of her daughters wanted their gifts but the son kept and took away his shirt and video cassettes. The unwanted items went to charity. This has become a Christmas tradition. As she finds things that belong to the kids she puts them aside for the next Christmas season.

I thought this was one of the most amusing and ingenious decluttering ploys ever. And there is no reason to wait for Christmas, why not give  your kids a gift of their left-behind clutter for their next birthday.

It matters not how fast I go, I hurry faster when I’m slow

Should is just another word for obligation. The answer to all the following questions is NO!

• Should I keep this in case I need it some day.
• Should I keep this because (fill in the blank) gave it to me.
• Should I keep this, even though I have more of them than I need, just in case one day I actually have to cater to a much larger group than I normally would.
• Should I keep this because someone made it for me.
• Should I keep this because, after all, everyone has one.
• Should I use this only on special occasions. (Everyday is a special occasion, use it often or let it go is what I choose to do.)
• Should I keep this because it has been in the family for generations. (You can always choose to give it to another family member)

There is no should when it comes to decluttering. Should implies that you are giving your right to choose away to someone or something else. It is up to you entirely as to whether you find something enjoyable or useful enough to warrant a place in your home. It is your home after all, your sanctuary.

There is a big difference between “I should keep this because my mother gave it to me.” and “I want to keep this because I love it and my mother gave it to me.” Or… “I should keep twelve place settings just in case I ever have to cater to that many guests.” and ” I feel comfortable keeping twelve place settings because we cater to this size group on a reasonably regular basis.”

Should the giver, society, mistrust in the future or other external influence have any say in your decision to keep something that you, if having asking such questions, don’t really want. Would you keep the item without these obligatory attachments to them? If the answer is no them let them go.

It matters not how fast I go, I hurry faster when I’m slow

Recall for a moment an event where you received a gift that you really wanted. The perfect give that you used and enjoyed for some time. Remember the delight at the sight of such a gift when you opened the wrapping. Can you recall how wonderful you felt in that moment? Can you also recall the gratitude you felt for the giver? That positive energy returned each time you used and enjoyed this gift, right?

Now remember receiving a gift you didn’t particularly want. Not necessarily something you hated, just something you didn’t care about or have a use for. You were thankful that someone cared enough to give you the gift but didn’t really want to keep it. Do you still have that gift simply because you feel you can’t get rid of it for fear of offending that person? Now consider the negative energy that holding on to this item causes you.

Which of these two energies do you really want to surround yourself with. Be grateful for what you receive but let go of items in your home that do not exude positive energy for you.

Today’s Mini Mission

Declutter electric cleaning tools that haven’t proved all that effective, are an indulgence or are simply unnecessary. Suggestions ~ Steam mop, jewellery cleaner, home scrubbing tool, steam cleaner, floor buffer, leaf blower, high pressure water cleaner, dust buster, robot vacuum cleaneretc. . I currently own only the usual items, a washing machine, one vacuum cleaner, a dryer and a dishwasher. Aside from the robot vacuum cleaner that I did love and the dustbuster, both of which I now happily manage without, I did not find any of the other gadgets highlighted all that useful and some not effective at all. I did try a steam cleaner to determine how effective it was but found it wanting.

Eco Tip for the Day

If you are one for ironing just about anything ~ sheets, underwear, pyjamas, tea towels etc ~ do yourself a favour and give it up for the sake of the environment. Electrical energy won’t be the only energy you will be saving.

For a full list of my eco tips so far click here

It matters not how fast I go, I hurry faster when I’m slow

I was digging in the archives of 365 yesterday looking for another post when I came upon this little gem. I decided to share it with you again because this strategy has proven useful, at times, in convincing my loved ones to declutter some things. I hope it will work for you.

Recently I was let in on a strategy on how to state a case or perhaps even get another person to come around to your way of thinking without their sensibilities being offended. The idea is to get people to think rationally about a subject without them realising that you are leading them in a direction they may not have considered.

The trick is to broach the topic in the form of a question that you quite likely have the same opinion on. Once you are in agreement you steer the conversation, maybe even in the form of another question, in the direction in which you want it to go. Successfully bypassing any undesirable emotional response while leading them hopefully to conforms to your way of thinking.

Making a request to grandparents that they don’t overindulge your children with excessive gifts of toys at Christmas and birthdays is a good example of how this ploy might work. Please see below for the scenario I have created to demonstrate this strategy.

While enjoying a normal conversation you bring up your topic by asking ~ “Did you have many toys to play with when you were growing up?”Hopefully they will say “Oh no!…” And they will regale you with some stories of the toys they do remember and how excited they were to receive them at the time.

Then comes the next question ~ “Did you feel deprived because you didn’t receive many or did you have fun regardless?” In this case you will hope the answer is “No we made our own fun. Children these days have no imagination…”

Then comes the $100 question “Do you think children these days have far too many toys?” I have never encountered an adult of my generation or above who ever answered no to this. They all think the current generation is spoiled rotten.

At this point you go in for the kill or should I say you come to the point of your conversation, while you have the upper hand, by saying “I have been thinking about this a lot lately. Don’t you think it would be a good idea if perhaps instead of giving lots of things to the children we all limit ourselves to giving one material gift and perhaps put some money in a bank account for them….”

What has occurred here is that the parent has extracted a true and logical opinion from the grandparent about how overindulged children are these days. Once they have showed their hand you then play your trump card by suggesting your idea of reducing this overindulgence for your own children (their grandchildren). By this point how could they not think that this is a good idea. And even if they do realise that they have been lead to this point, what can they do without losing face but agree your idea is sound.

I have to say I have been at the receiving end of this strategy more than once. Lead there by a certain person in particular who shall remain nameless. I nearly always twig as to what he is up to, but by then he has me caught hook line and sinker. I have to tell you that I am usually glad to be caught. Why, you might ask. Because I have a tendency to allow my emotions to rule my head far too much and his logic is much easier to swallow. With his clever manoeuvring I can then justify what for me may otherwise be a difficult emotional decision. I know my weakness well enough to be grateful to him for steering me away from that frightening abyss.

The beauty of this approach is that if the answers to the questions you are posing are not the ones that cement your case you can abort the mission at any time. No one ever need be the wiser that you were attempting to achieve an objective in the first place.

Today’s Mini Mission

Declutter something you have been procrastinating about getting rid of for a while.

Eco Tip of the Day

Turn off lights when leaving the room no matter how long you are gone for. It really doesn’t take much effort but in the long term all the energy savings do add up.

It matters not how fast I go, I hurry faster when I’m slow

Cindy’s Weekly Wisdom

Cindy

My girlfriend R stopped by my house two days before Christmas, looking mighty cross. She started spewing about how aggravated she was to be buying gifts for her many family members “just to be buying them something.” Her family is Jewish, and they celebrate Hanukkah as well. She’d tried to tell her brother that they shouldn’t exchange gifts, but his response was “Too late. I’ve already bought you something.” In addition, they don’t drawn names or limit giving to children, so everyone is giving a gift to everyone! R was definitely not feeling the holiday spirit. Here is the advice I gave to her:

First of all, you have to do what you’ve always done this year. Hanukkah is already over, and Christmas is in two days. You can’t change the rules now.

Beginning in January, though, you need to talk to your family about how you want to change your traditions. Maybe you should only do Christmas or only do Hanukkah. You could include Jews in Christmas or gentiles in Hanukkah – celebrate the holiday that works best, religiously and culturally, for your family.

Next you need to decide who you want to give to. R already gives charitable gifts to her parents. A donation to Heifer International for her dad and the elephant sanctuary in Tennessee for her mother. Maybe all her gifts should be charity; maybe she doesn’t want to continue with charitable gifts every year. In addition, she needs to think about the extended family that’s accustom to getting gifts from her: her brother, sister-in-law, their children, as well as her husband’s siblings, spouses, and their children, plus others who might be on “Santa’s” list. Does she want to eliminate all giving to adults? Draw names? Only donate to charity? Eliminate giving to everyone?

However, I also cautioned R that she can only control herself, her giving, her pocket book. She cannot force her siblings or in-laws to comply with her wishes. She can think through how she would like the gift-giving traditions in her families to evolve and make proposals. She can state firmly and clearly what she’s willing to do, but she can’t force others to bend to her will.

Today’s the day to begin this conversation: The holidays are fresh on everyone’s minds, and other people might be feeling the fiscal, temporal or environmental stress of having overbought, as well. Starting the conversation  well in advance, so no one is surprised by a sudden change in tradition, is the kindest gift of all.

Paper Free Grocery List

Today’s Mini Mission

Declutter something that you have way too many of than you really need. This could be cutlery, crockery, glassware, craft supplies, stationery items, tool, jewellery pieces, shoes etc.

Eco Tip for the Day

Here’s one way to save paper. Write your grocery list on the fridge with a whiteboard marker and then photograph it with your cell phone and take that with you when you go shopping.

It matters not how fast I go, I hurry faster when I’m slow.

Recently I was let in on a strategy on how to state a case or perhaps even get another person to come around to your way of thinking without their sensibilities being offended. The idea is to get people to think rationally about a subject without them realising that you are leading them in a direction they may not have considered.

The trick is to broach the topic in the form of a question that you quite likely have the same opinion on. Once you are in agreement you steer the conversation, maybe even in the form of another question, in the direction in which you want it to go. Successfully bypassing any undesirable emotional response while leading them hopefully to conforms to your way of thinking.

Making a request to grandparents that they don’t overindulge your children with excessive gifts of toys at Christmas and birthdays is a good example of how this ploy might work. Please see below for the scenario I have created to demonstrate this strategy.

While enjoying a normal conversation you bring up your topic by asking ~ “Did you have many toys to play with when you were growing up?”Hopefully they will say “Oh no!…” And they will regale you with some stories of the toys they do remember and how excited they were to receive them at the time.

Then comes the next question ~ “Did you feel deprived because you didn’t receive many or did you have fun regardless?” In this case you will hope the answer is “No we made out own fun. Children these days have no imagination…”

Then comes the $100 question “Do you think children these days have far too many toys?” I have never encountered an adult of my generation or above who ever answered no to this. They all think the current generation is spoiled rotten.

At this point you go in for the kill or should I say you come to the point of your conversation, while you have the upper hand, by saying “I have been thinking about this a lot lately. Don’t you think it would be a good idea if perhaps instead of giving lots of things to the children we all limit ourselves to giving one material gift and perhaps put some money in a bank account for them….”

What has occurred here is that the parent has extracted a true and logical opinion form the grandparent about how overindulged children are these day. Once they have showed their hand you then play your trump card by suggesting your idea of reducing this overindulgence for your own children (their grandchildren). By this point how could they not think that is a good idea. And even if they do realise that they have been lead to this point what can they do without losing face but agree your idea is sound.

I have to say I have been at the receiving end of this strategy more than once. Lead there by a certain person in particular who shall remain nameless. I nearly always twig as to what he is up to, but by then he has me caught hood line and sinker. I have to tell you that I am usually glad to be caught. Why, you might ask. Because I have a tendency to allow my emotions to rule my head far too much and his logic is much easier to swallow. With his clever manoeuvring I can then justify what for me may otherwise be a difficult emotional decision. I know my weakness well enough to be grateful to him for steering me away from that frightening abyss.

The beauty of this approach is that if the answers to the questions you are posing are not the ones that cement your case you can abort the mission at any time. No one ever need be the wiser that you were attempting to achieve an objective in the first place.

Today’s Mini Mission

Roundup all the little tools that are scattered throughout your home. Once together declutter any excess.

Today’s Declutter Item

Stage 2 of the great craft declutter is underway at last. I have opened an Etsy store and have made my first sale. What a fun and creative way to declutter. The photo collage below show my handcrafted products purchased in that first sale.

My first Esty sale

For a full list of my eco tips so far click here

It matters not how fast I go, I hurry faster when I’m slow

Cindy’s Weekly Wisdom

Cindy

I revisted the archives from September 1, 2010 for this post. It was titled “Cindy’s Take on Avoiding Recluttering.” This time I have published it with gift buying in mind. As appropriate, insert “the gift recipient” in place of “I”

It’s bound to happen sometime; you’re going to have to break down and buy something. Before you do, consider these factors:

1. Do I need it?
2. Do I want it?
3. Did I come into the store looking for this item, or did it just catch my eye?
4. Would I be criticized if my spouse or family members knew that I had purchased this?
5. Can I afford it? If I cannot pay for it now, should I buy it?
6. Can I wait a week and see if I still believe I need to buy this?
7. I am buying it “just to try it”? If I am, is there some other way that I could try it first?
8. Can I borrow it or rent it instead?
9. Can I buy it used?
10. Can I share the purchase of this item with someone else? (Lawn tools, exercise equipment, a bicycle, or magazine subscriptions all fall into this category.)
11. Have I researched this purchase? Is this item durable and does it do the things I want?
12. Will this item be easy use, maintain, and keep organized? Does this item perform more than one function?
13. Do I have something at home that will perform the same function? Will it replace one or more other things that I already have? Am I willing to move those other things along? Do I truly need to replace those things?
14. Do I have a place to store this item? Do I know that it fits?
15. Is it in a color or style that I will continue to enjoy? Does it fit with my décor or the other things in my wardrobe?
16. What is it made of? Where was it made? Are the components healthy for me and the environment? Is it labeled for recycling? Is it made of recycled parts?
17. Can I sell it when I no longer want it?

Today’s Mini Mission

Roundup all pens and pencils that are scattered throughout your home. Once together declutter any excess.

Today’s Declutter Item

One has to wonder why we still have a snowboard even though we have been back in Australia for over five years now and the person this was once the right size for is now no doubt too big for it.

Snowboard

Eco Tip for the Day

Consider donating excess pens and pencils in your home to a local school or take them to be used in your workplace. This will reduce the need for these places to purchase new ones while decluttering excess from your home. They are likely to dry up and become useless before they are ever used otherwise. I wonder how many pens succumb to this fate every year. Also try to remember not to accidentally acquire more. I almost walked off with a pen from the post office last week after address a parcel I was sending. I can assure you I didn’t need any more pens. In fact I will follow my own advice here and declutter yet more from my house. Perhaps I will take them to the post office. If you set aside a place in your house to store such items you won’t fall into the trap of buying more that you don’t need.

It matters not how fast I go, I hurry faster when I’m slow