Cindy’s Weekly Wisdom

Cindy

The girls and I are still on vacation, having traveled 1500 miles (2414 kilometers) thus far from Austin, Texas to New Orleans, Louisiana, and then to St. Louis, Missouri, by way of Memphis, Tennessee.  (Thank you Mom, for lending us your Prius.) Until today, besides postcards, which we purchased but also mailed, we had spent less than $10 on souvenirs. I bought a box of beignet mix at Cafe du Monde, and Clara purchased a pair of earrings, which she’s already worn several times. Today we went to one of our favorite places in the world, City Museum in St. Louis (boring name for an exciting place), and virtually broke the bank on souvenirs, spending almost $70. The only thing I can say in my defense is that every souvenir has a specific and well-thought-out purpose. Two pairs of earrings, made from recycled tin, will be under the Christmas tree for the girls. The post cards are for the scrapbook I will make when I get home. (I feel confident that I will make a book, because I have taken so few photos, and have culled while standing in  lines, that I feel confident that I won’t be overwhelmed with choices.) Last, I purchased a book of elaborate snow flake patterns. I know that sounds like the one that might sit fallow in the drawer, but Clara really likes that kind of precise work, so I think we will enjoy them over the winter holiday.

While I am not at all displeased with my purchases, I must point out that $70 would also buy admission for the three of us to nearly any museum or attraction we wanted to go to and would buy another two or even three meals on the road. In other words, souvenirs can also easily increase the cost of travels.

What didn’t I buy? Shot glasses with a local attraction on them. Beverages in big “souvenir” cups. Art that you purchase on impulse when you’re somewhere and then don’t know what to do with it when you get home. T-shirts (nice or junky) for myself or anyone else. Expensive “opportunity” photos that the folks at the St. Louis Arch or the ladies who work at the Aquarium are happy to take for you. Lastly, I didn’t buy a gift for anyone who is not on this trip with me.

I’ve never been a huge souvenir buyer, and neither are my parents, but I have been on the receiving end of a number of souvenirs, both junky and costly. What I’ve decided from that experience is that even if the item is nice, it immediately holds a lot less value to the recipient because he/she was not there to see 1) the cute little shop where it was sold, 2) the quaint village where this is the traditional handicraft, 3) the wonderful factory where the item was made, or 4) the whole darn country where the item came from.

So onward with our trip and may the souvenir “gimmes” stay away.

Like Colleen, I have little Internet access and will not be responding to comments. I hope everyone is having a great two weeks while I am away.

Today’s Mini Mission

Declutter something from the bookcase again ~ I don’t just keep books in my bookcase so I have several item choices in this area. If that isn’t the case for you I am sure there is one of two books that could be culled.

Today’s Declutter Item

I haven’t used this item in years but I was still reluctant to declutter it. Why you may ask. Because I was afraid that if I did decide to try my hand at making rugs again I wouldn’t be able to buy such a gadget any more. I decided in the end I would take my chances because the item is for sure taking up space but the surety of it being used is next to nil.

Yarn Cutter for Latch Rugs

Eco Tip For The Day

If you can’t live without heating try turning down the thermostat a couple of degrees and put on warmer clothes. You would be surprised at how much better this is for the environment and on your energy bills.

“In daily life we must see that it is not happiness that makes us grateful, but gratefulness that makes us happy.” Brother David Steindl-Rast

It matters not how fast I go, I hurry faster when I’m slow

Since we are on the subject of obligation clutter this week I thought I would do a quick post on gift giving, receiving and decluttering.  Not everyone will agree with what I have to say here but that is OK we are all entitled to set our own boundaries when it comes to this tradition.  What I prefer ~ which is what this post is about ~ is to avoid the likelihood of unwanted  and obligatory items entering my home not to mention the unnecessary addition to the supply and demand of products I don’t need that have a detrimental effect on the environment.

I have written plenty of post on this subject in the past but it bares mentioning over and over again because the more we here something that more we can come to accept it as a reality we can live with. I can assure you I have lost no friends or been alienated from any family member for my attitude towards gift giving, receiving and decluttering. I hope you will consider that proof that it is possible to set your boundaries without paying a price. So don’t feel obliged to give things you would rather not, live by other peoples rules on accepting things you don’t want or keep things you didn’t wish to receive in the first place or have long since tired of.

Gift Giving

“Any time you give with the intent of getting in return, then it’s not really a gift , it’s a trade.” ~ Jane Velez-Mitchell

I believe a gift is meant to bring pleasure to the person you are giving it to. Yes we feel excited and expectant when giving that the person receiving will love what we have to offer but this isn’t always going to be the case. No matter how much thought is put into a gift or how great you think the item is yourself isn’t a guarantee of reciprocal pleasure. As the quote from Jane Velez-Mitchell states above, giving a gift isn’t about the adulation you will receive in return from the eternally grateful receiver so don’t expect it. We should also not expect that the item will be kept if it is not to the receivers taste or necessity.

It is very rare that I will give a material gift these days unless it is something that the person has mentioned that they really want. I give gifts of company, experience or something consumable. In the case of my family, who all live far away, they were easily convince that mailing things back and forth was pointless and were happy with the no gifts at all idea. I do always send a card ~ usually home made ~ and phone them for a chat. As for my friends, I usually take them out for a combination of two of the following, lunch, dinner, a movie, some sort of local excursion. There is no potential clutter involved and we get to spend some quality time together. My two Uncluttered Gift Idea guides give some great suggestions as to what you can give as gifts that cause no clutter.

Gift Receiving

I have informed just about everyone I know that I don’t wish to receive material gifts. I am happy if my friends or family want to buy me gifts but would prefer they limit them to gifts of company, experience or something consumable. By company I mean spending time with me or calling me on my birthday. By experience I mean, for example, paying for a massage, a manicure or a movie. And by consumable I mean things like flowers, a box of chocolates or a meal out together… Whenever someone does give me a material gift, which isn’t often because most have conformed to my wishes, I don’t refuse it I accept politely but usually declutter it soon after and then sometime prior to the next celebratory occasion I remind them again that I prefer not to receive gifts.

Gift Decluttering

Clearly, from what I have written above, I feel that no gift should be given with strings attached. Therefore I have no issue with decluttering gifts that I have no use for. Especially in light of the fact that everyone I know is aware that I do not wish to receive them. I really only have one friend that still insists on giving me material gifts and she now always says to me “Please return it if it isn’t what you want. I have left the receipt in the bag.” I accept graciously and then if I do decide to return the item I don’t bother to tell her and she is polite enough not to ask. She is happy to have been able to give me something and I don’t feel obliged to keep it.

* I may not be able to respond to comments on this post as I will be out of action for at least four days due to having an operation. I have left the comment section open so you can enjoy chatting about it to your fellow 365ers. I hope to be back participating early next week.

Today’s Mini Mission

Declutter an unwanted gift ~ No explanation necessary, sell, donate or regift it.

Today’s Declutter Item

This item was not an unwanted gift at the time it was given, in fact it was requested but years later with our change of attitude to possessions it is now unwanted. It was a gift from me to my husband and I have no issue with him wanting to let it go in fact it couldn’t happen soon enough because I am the one who had to dust it. I have a habit of accidentally break his stuff so this is one potential victim that managed to escape before the inevitable happened. It was sold on ebay.

Cast Iron Aircraft Model

Something I Am Grateful For Today

Today is the first day of the rest of my life.

“In daily life we must see that it is not happiness that makes us grateful, but gratefulness that makes us happy.” Brother David Steindl-Rast

It matters not how fast I go, I hurry faster when I’m slow

My post on Tuesday regarding clutter foisted on you from other well intentioned people inspired one readers to send me an email. I am so excited for this reader, even though she sees a potential problem looming I am thrilled for her. Not only because of her happy situation but because she has already discovered the joys of living with less before starting a family. What a great opportunity to for getting it right. My children were 18 & 20 went I embarked on my more minimalist lifestyle and although I am sure they will tell you I was a miser there were a lot of things I could have done differently and better.

Here is what our reader had to say…

“…I’m pregnant with our first and although I’m really happy about that I’m already getting anxious about the huge amount of stuff I see other new parents drowning in. I know you need some stuff for the baby, but since when did baby’s start to need stuff in stead of love, care and attention? (and food and clean diapers of course) I’m really interested if and how other readers have resisted the flow of stuff into the house as it seems that I allready get overwhelmed by the stuff offered or just plain dumped on me…”

When I had my first bub almost 23 years ago now I couldn’t afford to lavish her with stuff. We had gone from double income no kids to one income, a baby one month later and threw a home mortgage in on top of that seven months later. Luckily I found having baby to be relatively inexpensive because I really didn’t have to provide much except breast milk. Honestly the grandparents, uncles, aunts and friends provided just about all I needed. I let them know what I required and they gave it to us as gifts. Of course there was also lots of stuff given that we didn’t really need but in those days I was happy to receive anything and everything. I am much wiser now and so is my reader.

The beauty of pregnancy is that it takes, all going well, nine months to arrive at the wonderful day of delivery. That is nine months to prepare for the happy day. In this case that is nine months to let people know that it is important to you to maintain a more minimalist lifestyle even with a baby in the household. Now is the time to make it clear to people that you do not want to raise your child surrounded by unnecessary stuff.

I would suggest that mothers-to-be investigate what products they will need as the bare minimum to take care of baby from day one. Narrow it down to the specifics of what brands you prefer. Then let it be known to those around you who will not be able to resist (namely grandmothers-to-be) that these are the items you would really appreciate receiving. It takes the guess work out of gift giving for your loved ones and hopefully will appease their need to adorn baby with gifts without unnecessary clutter build up.

My reader is so right, there are only so many things that she will really need to begin with. The only things essential to a babies survival is food, clothing, shelter to be kept clean, have somewhere to sleep and last but certainly not least love.

Here is a list of things I would think to be essential for when baby arrives…

• Somewhere for baby to sleep
• Sheets and blankets
• Something for transporting the baby safely in the car (If travelling this way)
• A pram/buggy/stroller or sling (not immediately essential)
• Diapers/nappies
• Food and feeding supplies (If breastfeeding is unsuccessful)
• Enough clothing to keep them cosy
• Baby bath (optional)
• Change table (optional)
• Some toiletries ~ baby wash, lotion, powder.

Correct me if I am wrong but outside of that short list everything else is either optional or a requirement brought on by special circumstances. And this list gives lots of options for gift giving ideas.

Without wanting to sound melodramatic or pessimistic I personally don’t think it is advisable to acquire anything but the absolute essentials for bringing baby home prior to the birth. And even restraint should be shown to acquire those items until the last couple of months. It is unthinkable but unfortunately there is no guarantee that everything will go well. If all else fails this is a good point to make to those people who will try to insist on purchasing items for you in advance or who bombard you with all their consumerist ideas on what you  “absolutely will need” for you baby.

Now is the time to set the guidelines as to how you want to raise your child, without excess or unnecessary gadgets, thing-a-ma-gigs, fluff and nonsense. In a non-consumerist environment that respects nature and you and your child’s sense of identity. Stick to your ideals regardless of what others might think ~ because there is a good chance they are wrong ~ and if people do insist of endowing you with stuff you don’t need feel free to find it a new home. There are no shortage of people out there who would go without otherwise who would appreciate your kind donation.

Our reader would love to hear her fellow 365’ers views on this subject.

Today’s Declutter Item

Shopping for craft supplies is like shopping for baby supplies ~ you only need what you can use at the time. There is no need to stock up for the future. And once the items are not longer necessary pass them on to someone who might need them.

Something I Am Grateful For Today

The reader who was the inspiration behind this post. I congratulate you and wish you all the very best for the future.

“In daily life we must see that it is not happiness that makes us grateful, but gratefulness that makes us happy.” Brother David Steindl-Rast

It matters not how fast I go, I hurry faster when I’m slow

People give things to friends and family members for all sorts of reasons and three of those reasons are 1. Gifts  2. Trying to be helpful and  3. Offloading things they no longer have a love of or need for. And each of these reason have their own sub-categories some of which crossover through all three titles. I will set out some examples below.

Gifts

1. They have one themselves and love it and wanted to share the joy. The intention is good but it may not contain the same joy for you.
2. They know you have a collection of something and think you would be happy to receive another example. Also good intentioned, but sometimes personal collections revolve around personal taste and although the gift is along the same lines it may not be to your taste. And perhaps your collection only keeps growing because well intentioned people keep adding to it.
3. They have an idea on what would look good on you fashion wise and buy you an outfit to suit. You on the other hand would hate yourself in it.
4. What do you buy for someone who has everything? Anything so long as you have a gift to give, right? Wrong. Take them out, give them a treat and don’t bother with material gifts that they just don’t need.

Trying to be helpful

1. 1 & 3 from the list above.
2. They notice you don’t have something and think you would benefit from owning one.

Offloading things they now longer have a love of or need for

1. What do people do with family heirlooms that they no longer want cluttering up their homes. That’s right they “generously” hand it on to the next in line sucker beneficiary. Now that person is stuck with the obligation of preserving family history. It really is OK to turn down this sort of duty ~ for want of a better word ~ there is usually someone in the family who would really appreciate what is on offer.
2. People often have useful things they no longer have a need for and hate to see these items go to waste. Often however it feels more acceptable to them if they generously hand it on to a friend of family member rather than just donate it to a charity. This way they can witness it being put to good use.  Once again it is Ok to turn down these offers. You don’t have to put yourself out in order to appease their guilt for not getting full use out of something.
3. You once said you thought something they had was handy, pretty or interesting and now they no longer want this item. They remember you had admired it and think you would be grateful if they gave it to you.

I have two pieces of advice when it comes to accepting and offering “clutter”.

1. You don’t have to accept or keep items that will clutter up your house just to make someone else feel good. That is just handing the clutter baton on to the next person. Here is a polite refusal for when people offer you their things… Thank you for your kind offer but I really don’t have a use for this. I appreciate you thinking of me though. When it comes to gifts it is difficult to refuse but in future make it clear that no gifts are necessary. Accept the gift by all means but don’t feel obliged to keep it. Return it exchange it or give it away.
2. When offering your clutter to someone else always offer the person an out. That is offer it in such a way that they won’t feel they are offending you by saying no thank you. Here is an example … I am getting rid of this item and I wanted to give you first option to take it. If it is not something you would find useful that is OK, I will just drop it off at the thrift store.

Have you ever felt awkward about passing on or accepting things? Have you taken items just because you don’t want to offend the giver? Have you wondered whether someone has done this with you?

Today’s Declutter Item

This was an unwanted gift that I found I had no need for even though I did give it a try. It was eventually donated to the thrift store. It is a manicure gadget in case you are trying to figure it out.

An unwanted gift

Something I Am Grateful For Today

My skills at packaging up ebay sale items. I have quite a knack for it, even if I say so myself.

“In daily life we must see that it is not happiness that makes us grateful, but gratefulness that makes us happy.” Brother David Steindl-Rast

It matters not how fast I go, I hurry faster when I’m slow

The mini mission for today is plant related clutter. This could be potted plants that have seen better days, potting supplies and tools, gardening equipment, or even wild overgrown garden plants. But the thought behind the inclusion of this post was people receiving potted plants as gifts and not being able to part with them even when they have become straggly and unattractive as potted plants often do over time. This can happen if they are kept in the wrong environment with poor lighting or harsh conditions like in an air-conditioned office.

Let me create a scenario for you. Mary works in an office with no windows and thinks it needs a little sprucing up with a plant or two to add a little Mother Nature to the atmosphere. She generously gifts the office some lovely potted plants. Neither Mary nor her colleges have green thumbs but do remember to water the plants so they stay alive at least. The lighting is poor and the plants grow stringy trying to reach the light as plants do and they are never fertilised so they don’t thrive. Mary eventually moves on to a new position in another firm near by but drops in often to visit her old work friends. These friends realise that the plants are looking pretty sad and frankly detract form the otherwise cheery atmosphere of the office but are now reluctant to replace them because they were a gift to the office from Mary who drops in on a regular basis and would notice them gone. So it would be wrong to get rid of them right?

No! Mary probably thinks they look dreary too and is probably wondering why they are still there. My advice would be to give them a holiday from the office, take them home and see if a little tender loving care will revive their previous healthy condition. If that doesn’t work just replace them with similar plants using the old planter pots.

* * *

I gave my mother a plant for Mothers Day once, it was a golden cypress bush. I must have been about ten at the time. She planted it in the from yard at our house. My father later decided to put a driveway in down the side where the cypress was growing. Instead of just cutting it down he moved it to a new position. I don’t know if he did this under mum’s insistence because I had given it to her, until now I have never given it a thought. Anyway the cyress thrived in its new position and soon grew to about ten feet high. A couple of years later they sold the house and moved to another and the tree was left behind. So I bought my mum a new golden cyress for her next mothers day gift. She seemed to like the first one so why not. About three years later we moved from that house too but we never continued the tradition of the golden cypress plant and it didn’t matter to either off us. It never did matter, the original gift was just another gift the second one just seemed appropriate and by the third house I probably came up with better gift ideas or had more money to spend.

* * *

My daughter bought me an indoor plant for mothers day just after we moved into the house in which we currently reside. It had been in the same position for four years until this past Christmas. I used the planter I bought for it to hold the Christmas tree (twigs) and put the plant outside in a shady part of the garden for a little holiday. Alas its leaves got burnt by the sun and I had to trim it back so much that it no longer was big enough for the planter so I bought a new plant and left the other in another spot in the garden to see if it would recuperate. If my daughter noticed it gone when she visited last week she certainly didn’t mention it. I just went out to check and the plant has actually sprouted a new shoot, something it has never done indoors. Had it died so be it. I am sure my kids haven’t kept every gift I have given them either.

* * *

One last story. A friend gave me a blueberry bush as a thank you gift because she knows I don’t like clutter. I liked this gift simply because I like blueberries and hoped it would grow into a thriving bush and yeild a bountiful crop. I realise this could take a while and wasn’t expecting miracles in the first year. It took me a while to plant the bush but since then, probably thanks to the abundant rain this year, it has indeed thrived. Keep in mind it was only a tiny bush and now it is three times the size. My tiny bush yielded me only three delicious blueberries last year but I am hoping for a bigger crop next spring. If next year the rain is not so abundant and my blueberry bush dies from neglect because I am a lazy gardener it will be not big deal. If this was the case and my friend asked what became of it I would tell her it didn’t survive my brown thumb. I have a natural culling process in my garden, that is if it survives my neglect it must be a good hardy plant meant for the local conditions and belongs in my garden. She would understand, not that I think she would even ask or that it is going to die because I have actually taken particular care of this plant.

So the moral of these stories is a plant is just a plant. Like humans they live and die and sometimes it takes more expertise than you have to take care of them properly. So do your best and if it doesn’t work out don’t loose any sleep over it. And if you work in an office with sorry looking plants offer to take them home and give them some tender loving care and if that fails just replace them and either admit to your failing or pretend the replacements are the old plants that have thrived from your green thumb.

Today’s Declutter Item

What’s worse than real plant clutter? That’s right, fake plant clutter. This pathetic example  was “decorating” the top of my kitchen cupboards until I was up there cleaning them off a couple of weeks ago. It was so caked in kitchen grime and I didn’t like it anyway so I threw the plant in the bin and donated the pot and stand to the thrift store.

Fake Plant Clutter

Something I Am Grateful For Today

A break in the weather so I could walk to the post office to mail some ebay sales.

“In daily life we must see that it is not happiness that makes us grateful, but gratefulness that makes us happy.” Brother David Steindl-Rast

It matters not how fast I go, I hurry faster when I’m slow

The combination of the words meaningful and gifts is probably half the problem with the whole gift giving phenomenon. We place so much importance on material gift giving that the thought of an alternative is almost unheard of. And of course the retail industry milks this sentiment for all it is worth because they want to sell more product.

There are so many other ways to show someone you love them aside from giving material gifts. Do something for someone, spend time with someone, have a nice outing together, get a manicure or facial together, play a round of golf with a friend or take a fishing trip, these are all gifts just from the heart not from the shops. It is interesting how they are been lowered so far on the gift giving list these days that most people don’t even consider it. Yet in the end if we were honest with ourselves they are all more important to all of us than we might have realised. And there doesn’t need to be a special occasion to give them either. The more I think about this situation the more complicated it is and at the same time how simple.

It’s complicated because we have been brainwashed into believing that giving a material gift is the best way to show someone you love them. And the more money you spend the stronger that love is (What a sickening thought). So people feel obliged to have some material token of affection whenever the situation calls for it. We often buy things that we see and think the person will like but more often that not we a totally off the mark.

I prefer the simplicity of gift giving. I phone my friends and family who aren’t near buy and spend so time just chatting and catching up. I also make them a personalised card. For those nearby I usually take them out for a meal and a pleasant outing. Just spending time together is more important in my book.

I know for myself that I don’t want people buying me gifts. I only want what I need and I am fussy about those things. I want them to suit my needs as perfectly as possible and if I have trouble finding just the right thing when I am shopping what are the chances that someone else is going to get it right. I would prefer a hug and a kiss and an I love you any day to a peace of clutter.

What about you. Think about all the material gifts you have received over the years and consider how many times they haven’t really been what you wanted or needed. Think about the special occasions when the gift has been non-materialistic ~ I friend has come from out of town to spend time with you, your child has done a nice deed for you, you have enjoyed a delicious meal out with friends or family. Which have been more special? I am guessing that you are all racking your brains trying to remember what material gifts you received and loved while the wonderful memories of times spent together or a lovely gesture flood into your mind immediately.

Now consider what you will give as gifts during the year ahead to those that you love. To help with ideas take a look at my Unclutter Gift Ideas guide

Today’s Declutter Item

This table runner is another item no longer needed now that we have swapped the too big dining suite to a small one that better suits our smaller home and the even smaller home we expect to have in the future.

Bamboo table runner

Something I Am Grateful For Today

Getting a couple of loads of washing done. A cool breeze on an otherwise quite warm day. My car back from the mechanics (All fixed this time I hope). And so much more…

“In daily life we must see that it is not happiness that makes us grateful, but gratefulness that makes us happy.” Brother David Steindl-Rast

It matters not how fast I go, I hurry faster when I’m slow

Cindy’s Weekly Wisdom

You can’t push a string…

Different people have different styles, styles of gift giving being no exception. In my family, specific (extremely specific) gift requests aren’t considered out of line. In my husband’s family, many gifts, all surprises, are the norm. Well, we all know what happens when people you rarely see or talk to give you “surprise” gifts, right?

It took me years of interacting with my in-laws before I realized that I could not control them, I could only control myself. (Some very obvious lessons are nonetheless hard to learn.) I started announcing in November that we would only be giving to charity, or that we would be giving only homemade gifts, or that we would only give food gifts. That way they knew what to expect from us and could chose to match our smaller gifts, or not, but they surely wouldn’t be surprised.  Over time, everyone has decreased their giving. Last year, each of the girls received a gift from their Aunt and Uncle, and my husband and I received a lovely box of chocolates. That was all, and it was perfect. My in-laws took the girls to the mall and bought them two gifts each. This worked for everyone because the grandparents knew they were getting something the children wanted and because the girls don’t go to the mall often (and certainly never with the grandparents, who live far away), so it was a big treat for everyone, even for Dan and I who got a few hours alone.

So how should you handle people who give differently than you would like to receive?

1. If it’s grandparents wanting to load up the kids, make your boundaries clear. You are the parent. Say, “No more than X gifts.” Or “She wants a X, but I don’t think it’s appropriate, so please do not purchase it for her.”
2. Or (one I used) “Do not buy any little plastic crap.” Yeah, maybe I should have said it nicer, but all those cute little impulse items are here one minute and gone the next – a waste of money and resources.
3. If it’s your girlfriends, suggest a meal out together or a trip to get your toes painted or something else that is fun and not material.
4. If it’s your family, suggest drawing names so that you only have to give a gift or two.

I think the biggest key is..

1.  If you’re changing your usual pattern, let those who will be affected know in advance. Now is not too soon. That gives them time to adjust too, and
2.  Remember that you can not change other people, you can only change yourself.

You can’t push and string, but you can pull it.

Today’s Declutter Item

Oh, if only making Christmas uncomplicated was as simple as pressing the Easy Button. Well you know what it isn’t that much harder, all you have to do is convince yourself and lay down as little ground work like Cindy suggests above. This button was a silly fundraising gimmick from Staple office supplies years ago and I must admit we did have fun with it for a while but it is now being passed on to a friend who also found it amusing.

The Easy Button, oh, if it where only that simple!

Something I Am Grateful For Today

I bought a nice little summer dress at the thrift store last week for $4 even though it was slightly too big. Today I used the skills my mother taught me and took it in on the side seams. The dress now fits perfectly and I am so pleased. I love it when you need something and it materialises, inexpensively and sustainably. 

“In daily life we must see that it is not happiness that makes us grateful, but gratefulness that makes us happy.” Brother David Steindl-Rast

It matters not how fast I go, I hurry faster when I’m slow

Cindy’s Weekly Wisdom

I hate to be a cynic, but I think I might be becoming one when it come to this oxymoron* ~ Useful gifts. More specifically, useful generic gifts. My mother gave me a drip irrigation system for Christmas. Let me tell you, that’s a useful gift, and I am so appreciative. (Thanks Mom!) But what about these “useful” gifts that have recently come into my home:

• water bottles and bandannas from a child’s birthday party.
• water bottles as a “finisher’s prize” for a book reading contest
• water bottles given to the kids when they went to camp for a day
• bandannas as a party favor at an adult party
• cheap backpacks given as a promotion for Lemonaid Day (a fundraising event for kids)
• expensive backpack given to my daughter when she was in the hospital
• expensive backpacks given to my husband annually when he attends a conference
• tote bags given at conferences and as promotions in stores
• soap, lotions and other toiletries
• and let’s not forget T-shirts for registering or participating in nearly any event

Sure, on their own, each one of these items can be useful. I’m not going to argue with that. A water bottle, a bandanna, a back pack, a tote bag, a t-shirt – all these items can be useful. But I went from having a just-right number of water bottles to having an explosion of them. My kids have backpacks, and each one lasts for two school years. I’ve already decluttered a half dozen bandannas; now I have more. As for t-shirts, let me just say that when I started decluttering, my husband had 100.

What’s a declutterer to do? First off, I try to leave these things behind when they are offered to me. Yes, you might have to step out of your comfort zone to say “no thanks” rather than just accepting what’s handed to you. This helps with clutter, but unfortunately, there is still the larger environmental impact of that item’s existence. We don’t need these things (or even want them), and the fact that they exist means that the raw materials have been gathered, and they have been manufactured, transported, etc. – a waste of perfectly good energy.

To make my small impact on these larger issues, I have resisted gifts more and more. (As Colleen once wrote, Don’t the very words “stocking stuffer” = “unnecessary item”.) If it’s not truly a want or need of someone in the family, we don’t buy it. We make gifts. I shop at the thrift stores, Craiglist, and Ebay first; local stores next; the mall last. This year I vowed to give no material gifts to my children’s friends. For my own friends, with whom I rarely exchange gifts anyway, I give something very practical, like a homemade frozen meal. (Way more appreciated at Christmas time than more candy or a Santa trinket, I guarantee you!) If there’s nothing I really want, I ask for a gift certificate to my favorite online store, Amazon.com, where I can buy practically anything when the need does arise.

When did “I love you and value your friendship” start to equal “so I’ll give you some cheap crap to show it”? Or “I’m so grateful that you came to my conference that I’ll load you up on items you can’t possibly use” become a standard business practice? Only by becoming conscious of choices in all areas of our lives can we start to change and to change the people around us. I know I’ve had an influence on my friends and on you, our readers, and I know you have too. Let’s be like water on a pond sending ripples of wisdom outward instead of thoughtless consumers of more, more, and more.

*For those of you who are not native English speakers, an oxymoron is a figure of speech where two apparently opposite ideas are paired.

Today’s Declutter Item

I have looked forward to this day from the very beginning of my declutter mission and it has finally arrived. This is the hutch section of an entertainment unit that is no longer suitable to fit the TV into. It is big and dark and bulky and held a lot of stuff I never really used or loved. By slowly decluttering spaces in the bottom section of this unit, in the kitchen cupboards and the bookcase it is finally empty and a man named Brian will be recycling it to create other pieces of furniture. It was picked up today by Brian and his brother Bob and I am glad to see it go.

Display Cabinet

My Gratitude List

• Something that made me laugh ~ My husband poking fun at our daughter because her favourite baseball team lost again today. It is an ongoing love hate relationship between them during the baseball season, mostly love though of course.
• Something Awesome ~ Learning to say no when you really don’t want to do something.
• Something to be grateful for ~ The three people who picked up Freecycle items from me today.
• Something that made me happy ~ How light and airy my living room looks without the big display cabinet.
• Something I found fascinating ~ Watching the big storm front build up to the north today. It is now rumbling overhead. Weather is interesting and so different here than it was in Seattle.

It matters not how fast I go, I hurry faster when I’m slow

Inspired by Tuesday’s post responses I thought I would like to just give a little more encouragement for people to donate items that are lingering in their homes. We all have items that were given to us as gifts that we feel guilty about giving away. Just as we have heirloom items that we feel the same way about. We keep them out of obligation rather than for the love of the item. There are also those guilt items that we spent good money on but never really used as much as we thought we would.

There is no better way that I can think of to rid yourself of this guilt or obligation than to donate the item to your favourite charity thrift store. Not only will you be releasing the item with the hope that someone will find it and love it a whole lot more than you did but the charity will gain the funds raised from the sale which will in turn help others.

In the unlikely event that a friend or relative should ask where a gift has gone that they gave you, you will have a very admirable excuse for its absence. You can be honest with them and say that you donated it to charity because you felt it was an indulgence that you didn’t really need while the funds it raised went to help someone in need.

It is a win win win win win situation. You win because the item is gone as is your guilt/obligation and you feel like you have made a worthy donation. The charity wins because they now have more funds to help the needy. The person who bought the item from the charity store wins because they have something they love that they may unlikely have been able to afford new. The people that the charity helps certainly win. And the original giver of the item wins because they have in a round about fashion also helped someone in need.

In times where you have made all the cash donations you are prepared to make what a wonderful way to be able to keep giving without being disadvantaged yourself. Every little bit helps.

Today’s Declutter Item

This jacket will be going to the thrift store. It has hardly been worn so it should sell for a few dollars at least.  I did buy it on a whim so there is certainly quilt involved but I found it too uncomfortable on my neck and shoulders. So bye bye guilt clutter hello donation satisfaction.

Things that made me happy, made me laugh, made me feel grateful, fascinated me or I thought were just plain awesome.

• Sleeping most of the five hours it took to get home today – And getting home safe and sound.
• Hot chocolate affogato at Koko Black Chocolate Salon.
• The sounds of a storm coming – I can hear it now as I type this.
• Trying a new curry recipe for dinner that turned out to be quite delicious.
• A warm shower at the end of the day to wash away the grime and easy your weary mind just before turning in for the night. – Clean running water is one of those precious things we often take for granted.

It matters not how fast I go, I hurry faster when I’m slow.

Often someone else will turn on the television while I am in the room but I am not really watching it. It is however hard to ignore news broadcasts about all the natural disasters that keep happening this year. The latest disaster in Japan is horrifying to behold and conjures up a lot of feelings and deep thought.

I don’t know about you but my first reaction was ‘Oh my god, all those people dead, injured and missing!’ Watching the tsunami destroy everything in its path, lives, buildings, cars, ships… The sadness and misery felt by those left behind trying to come to terms with the loss of loved ones while having to deal with their homes being destroyed. Nowhere to go, no place of comfort except hopefully in the arms of other loved ones who survived.

When we witness disasters like these the last thing we think of, if at all, is the trivial stuff in those peoples lives. Stop and think for a minute. If this happened to you, would you really be thinking ‘Oh my God, what has happened to that  unused silver tea set Aunt Maud gave us as a wedding gift.’ No! So why do we have such a hard time parting with such things when times are good? Next time you are having trouble parting with items like this or any such trivial stuff stop and think for a minute how important this item would be in a disaster situation and be realistic about its importance in your life.

Maybe sell off these items and donate the money to someone less fortunate than you. This option would certainly alleviate any guilt you feel about Aunt Maud’s feelings. We really are lucky when we have the time and energy to concern ourselves with such things. Why not share that good fortune with someone else instead of hoarding it in the back of a cupboard somewhere in the comforting home that you share with the people you love.

Now before you get all up in arms about me being cruel, uncaring and insensitive about the fact that we all have crosses to bare in this world. I didn’t write this post to make you feel ashamed, I wrote it to help you let go of those items that you keep clinging on to even though you really don’t want them in your life. If you have items in your home that will never realise their worth, there is always someone out there who may enjoy them more or benefit from the funds they generated. I sincerely hope that this post will help you let go and I am prepared to stick my neck out in order to help you achieve that.

Today’s Declutter Item

Just another item of clothing that wasn’t being used. (Donated to the thrift store)

Things that made me  feel grateful today.

• How privileged I am.
• The joy I get from donating the things I don’t use to others who may use them.
• Feeling safe even though I know anything can happen when you least expect it.
• That in my life I have only ever lost two people close to me from anything other than old age.
• That learning to let go of stuff gets easier the more I realise how little it matters.

It matters not how fast I go, I hurry faster when I’m slow.