Cindy

Cindy’s Weekly Wisdom

May 30th marked the end of my second year of decluttering and the end of the second year of reporting daily on Facebook what I have decluttered. (Possibly I’ve missed a few days, but not many.) In the past 731 days (Leap Year), I have decluttered 3690 items and made $2471.20 plus $1000 barter for repair work on my van in exchange for our car, which we did not replace. Yes, that’s a heck of a lot of stuff, but let’s remember that the average house today is almost twice as big as it was in the 1950s, while families are closer to half the size. The concept of the long-term storage unit barely existed in the 1970s. “Shopping” is many people’s favorite past time and their favorite vice. I had (and still have) plenty of things I can get rid of, and you do too.

For your viewing pleasure and my embarrassment, I have selected a few before and after pictures for you to look at, laugh at, and be inspired by. You’ll probably recall me saying, more than once, that we have extensively remodeled our house in the past 10 years (and, yes, it pretty much took the whole ten years). The house was so ugly and so cluttered when we first bought it and when the children were young that I never took photos of the house itself. You’ll have to look around the girls to see to the YUCK! behind it. The second photo in each set is a photo I’ve taken today, so you can see the vast changes.

During remodeling and a good reminder that a magnet-filled refrigerator is not a things of beauty.

A clean refrigerator is a beautiful refrigerator.

Look at all the stuff on the counters and floors. Wow!!

7' of kitchen island and not a bit of junk in sight

Dan and baby Clara and a whole lot of clutter.

Dan's desk. No cute little girl but no junk either.

I found this photo after I wrote the post, but it's too clutter-y to leave out. No "after" photo, though.

Today’s Mini Mission

Are you in the habit of still owning enough of some items to cater for that larger family than you once were before the kids left home. Time to declutter a few. Some suggestions ~ towels, sheets, blankets.

Today’s Declutter Item

I didn’t have any sheets, towels or blankets to get rid of but I did find a bunch of container lids that I no longer have the containers for. I find this a little strange because when I donate items I make sure all their parts are together. I can only assume that some of the containers broke and I forget to get rid of the lids. If I remember correctly a few of them belonged to ceramic and enamel dishes that I did donate to the thrift store. I must have forgot they had lids because I never used them, they didn’t need them in order to be useful anyway so who cares.

Plastic container lids

Something to be grateful for today

I cleaned the oven today, not my favourite job. The fairies didn’t do it for me and yes it was hard work but I am just grateful it is out of the way and I won’t have to deal with in again for a month or two or three depending how long I can ignore it for. 😆

“In daily life we must see that it is not happiness that makes us grateful, but gratefulness that makes us happy.” Brother David Steindl-Rast

It matters not how fast I go, I hurry faster when I’m slow

One of the areas of my home that I have been working on regularly since the very beginning of my declutter mission is my craft room. At the beginning all I knew was that I had too much stuff and I didn’t really have an ultimate goal aside from to keep working at it until I was satisfied I had gone far enough. As I have slowly gotten closer and closer to that point my goal started to become clear. I wanted what I owned to fit into the craft organising cubes that I had long ago purchased for the task. No overflow  into other rooms in the house, no stuff in other items of furniture, no stuff in other storage containers…

It occurred to me while working at this task last week that I have used this goal of decluttering in other areas of my house. Long ago I achieved the goal of fitting everything that was in my china cabinet into my kitchen cupboards. At another point it had become my goal to fit all my linen on two shelves in my linen closet. All my spare blankets had to fit into my camphor wood chest. All our books on one shelf in the book case and all my shoes in the cupboard near the from door.

In general setting an allowance of space for certain items is a great way to inspire you to declutter the things you just have too many off. It is as simple as realising you have far more of a certain category of item than you need and setting a realistic allowance of space for them to take up. Here are some suggestions…

1. Allow one small cupboard space for cleaning supplies.
2. Only keep enough clothes to fit in your closet. No spreading them into the closet in the guest room.
3. One bookcase for all your books, the rest must be sold, donated or given to friends or family.
4. Only keep your favourite DVDs that must fit into your entertainment cabinet. Not piled two deep into a full size bookcase elsewhere in the house.
5. Cookbooks must fit on one small shelf in the kitchen.
6. Kids indoor toys should fit in their bedrooms not taking over the family living space.
7. Utensils could be limited to one kitchen drawer, the same for cutlery.
8. Personal paper work might be limited to a two drawer filing cabinet or maybe even one drawer if you are clever enough to digitise and minimise the non-essentials.
9. Shoes might be contained to what can fit on your closet floor not piled on shelves, in baskets by the door, or hiding under beds.
10. If you have a large home you might even consider making your overall goal to fit everything you own within the closets, cupboards and storage shelves throughout you house and not have items hidden in boxes in the basement, attic or taking over the car space in the garage.

So consider a space goal in your house this week whether that be a big or small goal. It might be the inspiration you need to set a final limit on a category of items you have been slowly reducing for a long while.

Today’s Mini Mission

Do you have too many glass items ~ vases, plates, bowls, drinking glasses…? If so now is the time to weed out a few.

Today’s Declutter Item

This is way more than one item but they were all decluttered in one effort so why not group them together. Although some time back I decluttered enough items form both my kitchen and my long gone china cabinet to fit what was left into my kitchen cabinets I am not stopping there.

Glass Items

Something I Am Grateful For Today

Some days are just special in an ordinary kind of way. A good breakfast, a chat with a neighbour, doing more than just the weekly housework chores, leftovers for dinner, the sun shining long enough to dry the sheets…

“In daily life we must see that it is not happiness that makes us grateful, but gratefulness that makes us happy.” Brother David Steindl-Rast

It matters not how fast I go, I hurry faster when I’m slow

I have discovered a new way to invigorate the desire to declutter. It is unconventional but it sure got me taking another look in what I thought were my fairly decluttered cupboards.

I have mentioned before that when my husband retires we intend to downsize to a smaller townhouse or apartment. Just recently we have been toying with the idea of doing it sooner rather than later. In fact for some time now hubby has been constantly looking at on line real estate sites and showing me properties but we never actually do anything about it.

Well, last week we finally phoned an agent and arranged to inspect a property. A nice little two bedroom, 1 study, 1 bathroom apartment in a refurbished old building. We were pleasantly surprised at how spacious it seemed even though it was smaller than our existing dwelling.

It occurred to me partway through the viewing that the ample floor space had a lot to do with the reduction in storage space. Which got me thinking that I have a ways to go yet before I am decluttered enough to feel uncluttered in a smaller place. I am up for the challenge though and feel a sudden invigoration in my attitude to decluttering.

Today’s Declutter Item

This is one of those foolish stock up while they are cheap purchases. Having a son doing high school fine arts at the time it seemed like a sensible purchase. Once he entered uni and his major soon changed to photography canvases were no longer required. Luckily art students know other art student so I gave them to a friend of his. She was very happy with the windfall and I was glad to reclaim a huge chunk of closet space. One more step towards fitting into a smaller home.

Artist Canvases

Something to me grateful for

I was particularly tickled when my son came out the day after viewing the property mentioned above and said if we were to move into that place he would need to declutter more of his stuff. He than began to point out what he would be happy to let go of.  I feel grateful and pleased that he understands the point of all this. He even happily complies with my ways of reducing waste in our home. I feels good to think that I may be successfully raising a non-materialist young man.

“In daily life we must see that it is not happiness that makes us grateful, but gratefulness that makes us happy.” Brother David Steindl-Rast

It matters not how fast I go, I hurry faster when I’m slow

Last week Dizzy informed me she was totally committed to Buy Nothing New November, a self imposed challenge as she was not able to comply during October. Not being one to do it the easy way Dizzy has committed to only buying milk and bread while feeding her whole family with just the contents of her Freezer for the whole month.  If I attempted that my family would stave to death due to the minuscule size of my freezer but that is a whole other story.

This is what dizzy wrote in a comment last week…

Great post Cindy and a great post from Colleen, love your Chrissy Preparations, I have not done anything yet, haven’t even been anywhere to find a bargain, op shop or otherwise except for milk and bread. We are happily still making our way through the freezer and so far all I have bought this month is milk and bread. I have pledged to buy nothing in November and so far I haven’t, (except milk and bread) I will admit it was tough to start but it made me get creative in the Kitchen and we’ve had some rather weird dinners hahaha, my hubby loves it cos he’s getting fit and my son gets the chance to help and serve up some rather interesting concoctions! We are still alive though 

I asked Dizzy if she would write a post for me about her freezer decluttering effort and of course in Dizzy’s true enthusiastic style the very next day I received this response.

MY CLEAR OUT THE FREEZER CHALLENGE

Four things have been at the forefront of my self appointed challenge…

1. Sheer stupidity when shopping for food (buying the 2 for 1′s etc.)
2.  Sheer laziness, it was, or seemed easier, to pick up a cooked chook (that’s chicken to non-Aussies) and a bag of pre-pared salad etc rather than cook what I had in the freezer!
3. Realising that I and my family were doing too much apart rather than together! We are all busy but thankfully that is changing!
4.  And (just thought of this now) we bought a bigger freezer back when I used to get Chrisco, my freezer habit went from there! I no longer get Chrisco so the big freezer will be finding a new home.

I always rotated the food so I haven’t had to throw anything out. However this situation gave me the kick in the pants I needed to come to the realisation that the shops are open nearly all the time so until I need something the shops can store it for me.

My storage habits are changing because I’m planning ahead better and I’m more organised when it comes to meals. My spending has changed dramatically because (apart from this month being self appointed) I am organising myself more therefore everything around me is becoming more organised. My money is happily gathering dust in my purse. 🙂

From now on shopping will become easier because I will have a list and only get what is on the list!! Since I started this ‘Buy Nothing New in November’ it has made me think twice about everything I am doing and so far it has worked. Clarity is there now, I actually find myself saying that I don’t ‘need’ it or what I have is ‘enough’. When whatever it is at the time breaks, falls apart or otherwise becomes redundant then and only then will I replace it with a new one or 2nd hand if available.

Whilst I have been whittling away at the food side of things I have also realised that I don’t need half of the storage containers I have for the freezer so they will be finding new homes too!

I will be shopping today for fresh fruit (I have used up all the frozen berries and tinned fruit) and I will buy only fresh, it’s spring/summer now so there is an abundance of great fresh produce available.

Out of this whole excercise I am learning that a full freezer is not only taking up space and wasting electricity, it is requiring constant vigilance, the thought of it breaking down sits in my brain screaming at me. Imagine having to clean that mess up, the waste and the insurance run around etc, I do not want to travel that road. Now it all matters not a jot if the freezer blew up tomorrow because there will be very little to lose.

Right now I have what I NEED and I WANT what I already have!

Today’s Declutter Item

More of the Snoopy collection sold on eBay. A little more cash in my son’s bank account and a little less clutter in the garage.

More Snoopy items sold on ebay

Something I Am Grateful For Today

After Sunday’s 39Ëšc I am grateful that the temperature has dropped back down the the mid 20s. It might be raining but I am perfectly OK with that.

“In daily life we must see that it is not happiness that makes us grateful, but gratefulness that makes us happy.” Brother David Steindl-Rast

It matters not how fast I go, I hurry faster when I’m slow

I know we have been over this topic more than once but it bears repeating over and over.

Here at 365 Less Things readers often share their stories of sad situations where their family have had a mammoth task of clearing out the home of a deceased loved one. At such a trying time it is hard to have to make rational decisions about what to do with all that stuff, especially if it is a case of a really cluttered household.

It is natures course that when one life ends others must go on and often these other lives are busy and complicated enough already. Trying to find the time necessary to invest in doing this kind of declutter thoroughly, taking into account all family members needs, has many challenges. Challenges that no doubt never occurred to the person leaving it behind.

My advice for the future is ~ Don’t be that person. Keep your clutter to a minimum now so you don’t leave anyone in this position. And/or have that talk with ageing loved ones and encourage and/or assist them to purge what isn’t necessary and important to them now before it is too late. Remember it is never too early to deal with this issue, one doesn’t have to be old for live to come to an end.

Here is an email from Amy who found herself in this position.

As someone who recently had to clean out a person’s house after a death, I definitely agree that we shouldn’t be leaving this paper clutter for someone else to deal with later. After all, if you don’t do it, someone else has to. Why burden your loved ones with this?

I now look at everything in my house that could be considered “clutter” and ask myself if I want to leave this for my children to deal with after I’m gone? Do I really want them to go through things and ask themselves why on earth I saved “such and such?” From the leftover watercolor paints and the scrapbooking stuff I haven’t used, to the pile of recipes I thought I’d make, to the extra odds and ends that were purchased and never used – why burden someone else with this? If we don’t find time to do this, why are we assuming someone else will have the time to deal with stuff we should’ve dealt with?

Deb J also had this example to share ~ My aunt has barrels of “keepsakes” from my grandparents that have never been out of the barrels in the 40+ years they have lived in their present house. She says she will give them to the kids in her will. Well, why not give them to them now–they are all adults with families. Actually, I doubt they will want them anyway. Do they even remember them?

Katharine had this to say ~ I was able to have a much needed conversation with my mother-in-law last week as they have a lot of clutter, to gently suggest they need to deal with it sooner rather than later because it will overwhelm my husband when they are gone: combine his grief and his horder tendencies plus his parents in rented accommodation I can foresee a storage unit situation coming on. They have started trying to deal with it, I just wanted to encourage them they were doing the right thing. She seemed to take it on board…I just hope they are able to do a lot over the next year. 1/2 of it is from her parents that they never dealt with…

Here is a link to a comment from Annabelle which is also an eye opener.

These are just a few of many similar stories received from my 365 Less Things readers over the last 18 months. So the question is ~ What are you leaving to your family members when you pass. A lifetime of fond memories or a lifetime of fond memories and a house full of clutter that you didn’t want to deal with.

Today’s Declutter Item

My declutter items today are some hand-me-down milkshake glasses from my grandparent’s bakery circa 1935ish. They are, in fact, extremely relevant to today’s topic. My grandfather could have sold his bakery when he chose to retire but he would not relinquish the “famous” sponge cake recipe. Being as this recipe was key to the popularity of this bakery nobody would buy the business without it. So my granddad stubbornly packed up all the equipment and stored it in his back shed. It was still there when my grandmother died many many years later. He left it for her to deal with and in turn she left it for my parents to deal with. I did have eight of these glasses but donated 4 earlier in my declutter mission. In the process of Freecycling some other items this week is met a lady who had a 50s diner set up in her garage. It turned out her husband was related to me on my grandmother’s side of the family. So if offered her these glasses even though I had no intension of decluttering them right now. I figured she would get far more enjoyment out of them and in a roundabout fashion they were staying in the family.

Heirloom Clutter

Something I Am Grateful For Today

I have got to the stage where I could move things on the floor of my garage up onto the empty space decluttering has created on the shelving unit. I had a fun time organising and cleaning in there today. I know my sense of fun is a little odd but I never once siad I was normal.

“In daily life we must see that it is not happiness that makes us grateful, but gratefulness that makes us happy.” Brother David Steindl-Rast

It matters not how fast I go, I hurry faster when I’m slow

Cindy’s Weekly Wisdom

When Colleen wrote Have Storage Will Clutter, I assumed it would be about storage units, which exist all over the US, some row after row of garages, and others (literally) high rise buildings with full heating and air conditioning services. Some people’s junk in the US lives better than many citizens.

Recently I was  at a class with my eldest daughter and was telling one of the fathers about the blog. He immediately told me that his chore for that day was cleaning out the garage. The coach then approached and asked if we were talking about cleaning out a storage unit. The man said, “No, but we have one of those that needs to be emptied too.” Then the coach shared that she has three storage units. She is going on a trip to Europe soon and noted that the units cost about a European trip per year. She claimed that she intends to clean out one unit when she returns (although I have to say, her commitment to this seemed very half baked, like one of those things that you just get used to saying like “I’m going to start exercising”). I challenged her to empty all three units. Bizarrely, she then said, “Oh no, I’m a minimalist” but had to return to coaching before I could find out how in the world having three storage units and being a minimalist could possibly be related. (Ok, truthfully, I was too busy trying not to snort loudly and rudely to find out more.)

I asked the father why he had a storage unit. He said that they intend to turn half of their garage into an exercise room. In order to work toward this goal, they’d cleaned out part of the garage and put it in storage. At least some of the stuff in the storage unit are items that will be in the exercise room. He told me that the unit was about a cheap as they come at $110 per month (about the same AUD, 81 Euro) and that he’d spent over $1000 (741 Euro) on the unit so far. One thousand dollars and no exercise room yet. The gym closest to my house is $70 a month for a family membership. They could have been working out for the past 14 months for the money that’s gone into this storage unit.

The last example of Have Storage, Will Clutter is a couple I know. Their adult children live in Texas. The parents thought that they would move from California, more than 1000 miles away, to Texas. When one of the children got a long-term overseas assignment, the parents packed up their belongings, sold their condominium, and move into their son’s house. Because the son’s house was fully furnished, they kept some of their personal items, and the rest of their belongings went into storage. This makes sense to me. Having their items in storage was cheaper than continuing to pay for a whole condominium for them, and they knew that their living arrangements were temporary. Eighteen months later, their son returned, and the parents moved back to California, leaving their stored items behind. For a while it was unclear what would happen next, but now more than five years have passed. The parents definitely aren’t moving to Texas, and their belongings are still here, still in storage. They don’t seem to have any intention of repossessing their items, which include furniture, clothing, household items, and collectibles, nor do they seem to have any intention of paying to have these items moved to California. Every year when they visit Austin for two or three days, they visit the storage unit – presumably to get something out of it, but I really don’t know. (Maybe to put something in!!) If the average unit is $100 a month, five years of storage comes to $6600 (4890 Euros). In the meantime, they’ve purchased replacement furniture and electronics for their home in California. My estimate is that this folly has cost them at least $10,000. I don’t really know what to say about this story. It truly mystifies me, but I do know that if storage units weren’t so convenient, something else would have been done with these belongings, rather than just having them sit in climate-controlled comfort year after year.

If you have a storage unit, my first advice to you is to leave the house alone and declutter the storage. You’re throwing money away when what you need to do is make some hard choices and probably many easy choices and live within the space you have available to you. All those “valuable” items you may find hard to part with because “they cost good money” are getting more and more costly each day that you pay to store them. Have storage, will clutter, indeed!

Today’s Declutter Item

I bought this carry file about 15 years ago when working as a teacher’s aide in my children’s first school. That was seven schools ago and it has hardly been used for its intended purpose since. I think it is well past time I let it go.

I

File Folder Bag

Something I Am Grateful For Today

I had a wonderful day today giving a friend a belated birthday treat. We had a coffee, went to the Hunter Valley Gardens (first time for both of us) and had our favour Tom Yum soup for lunch. Everything was perfect including the weather. See photos below.

It matters not how fast I go, I hurry faster when I’m slow

It’s the big reveal, not of a completely decluttered craft room but more of the extent to the amount of craft supplies I actually had in the first place. Also as the heading today implies I really only am in mid-declutter of this area. I intend to continue in my usual gradual manner until I am content that I have the situation under control. The process of taking the photos opened my mind even further to how much area this takes up in ratio to how little time I spend actually being creative in it. If you are even in doubt about what needs clearing out in an area I suggest you take a look at it through a camera lens. That will really focus you view!

I would just like to point out at this point that the brown sewing cabinet in the photo is now empty and I will be putting it up for sale when I return from vacation so that will really make a difference to the appearance of the space. As I said this area is a work in progress and I will update you again sometime in the near future.

When we knew we would be moving back to Australia from the USA in July 2007, we wanted to move straight into our town-house with all our belongings and settle quickly into our new life. I suppose that is when  we truly began the decluttering.

We did several things to purge items we knew we didn’t want to take back with us. Luckily, we sold some stuff at a planned neighbourhood garage sale. We also listed other things for sale to other Aussies who were staying in the US, and sold some things to the family who replaced us. We also donated a bunch of stuff to charity. I kept several electronic items that I now regret not selling over there while we had the chance. At the time, I thought I would still use them but alas I haven’t for one reason or another.

Next we packed up all the things we felt we wouldn’t really need for a month and sent them ahead by sea freight at the end of May 2007. Then a month later we packed everything else up and sent that by air freight while we took a month touring Europe on our way home. I can’t say I remember missing anything out of the sea freight while living in the house for a month without it. We managed to survive quite well with just what we had left. Unbeknownst to me I suppose that was my first taste of minimalism.

We did notice that when everything lobbed on our doorstep in Australia two days after our arrival, there was far too much stuff to fit comfortably into our new home.

There was also the stuff that had been waiting in storage for seven and a half years for our return. Aside from furniture, there wasn’t much in this load of belongings that I had missed. Unfortunately, some of the stored items I looked forward to getting back no longer worked due to being unused for too many years. I will point out here that we weren’t expecting to be gone so long.

Over the next two and a half years, we continually decluttered stuff. At first, there was a quick purge of extra furniture and home goods that just would not fit into the house. Then, that slowed to sporadic purges as we began weeding out the obvious items that needed to go. Then the 365 day challenge began and the slow but steady fine tuning was under way. Now we are at day 320 with only 45 days to go to the finish line. Somehow I don’t think that is going to be the actual finish line because I am sure there are more than 40 items left but I am very pleased with the result so far.

The lessons I have learned along the way…

1. When moving from country to country think very carefully about the things you take with you. Although I thought I did this there were several expensive items that have never been used since the move that would have been easier to off load in their country of origin.
2. It is amazing how few things you really need to get by day to day.
3. Things can be rendered useless from lack of use just as easily as overuse.
4. The bigger the house the more stuff people tend to buy to fill it.
5. Open space is a wonderful thing.
6. If you don’t want to clean it, store it or move it don’t buy it.
7. Decluttering slowly has been more effective and educational for me than decluttering quickly.

Item 320 of 365 less things

While my daughter was visiting we went through the box of old children’s books that she had chosen to save and culled them down a little.

5 Things I am grateful for today

1. Having made a head start on tomorrow’s cleaning day
2. Rain – We have had a string of hot days so it is nice to have a little cool down.
3. Having fun while answering comments today – I always enjoy it but today I was just being a little silly
   
4. My garden growing madly without any help from me
5. Liam’s progress –He is through his post traumatic amnesia period and has an interview with the brain injury clinic tomorrow. Hopefully that means he will be moving on to the next phase of his rehab very soon.
   

A guest post by – My Husband

During a recent overseas business trip I read about an experiment to choose six clothing items and only use those items for a month. You could have multiple copies of each item, even a different colour counted as a separate item but underwear, sleepwear, shoes and jackets etc did not count. I looked at my standard travel wardrobe, and found two pairs of Columbia pants, four sweat-wicking golf shirts (three colours) and two pairs of shorts. Five items to which I could add a more formal shirt for those dressier occasions, and still meet the Six Items or Less challenge. I lived with these five items for three weeks, and as you read this I am using them again for a month in Italy. No one ever comments on my limited wardrobe, and my daily choices are limited to picking the colour of my shirt for the day. Could I live like this for longer periods, or is six items too few to cover every contingency?

I decided that with some minor modifications, the experiment could be applied to my every day life and significantly reduce the size of my wardrobe. The first adaptation was to allow different colours of the same items so my four golf shirts would become one item. I also allowed myself some latitude items that get regular use in rotation with other similar items. For example, I had many long-sleeve shirts of different brands from which I selected the ones I use regularly and counted them as one item. As these items wear out I will look at following my plan to find an item I like that will replace all the differing brands. Using these adaptations, I have reduced my wardrobe to seven items plus work uniforms that are supplied and required by my employer.

I feel liberated from the fashion cycle, and yet have retained the best of my clothes while ridding myself of clothes that are functional but never made it into my rotation. For most of us, we keep returning to the same old favourites until they fall apart, so why clutter our closets with clothes that are never going to be worn? With a smaller clothing footprint, the clothes are not jammed into the hanging space, come off the hanger ready to wear and I can see my entire wardrobe in one place.

The Six Items or Less challenge looks daunting at first but a worthwhile experiment for anyone seeking to simplify their life. The original experimenters had a variety of experiences, and you can read their stories here. Now it is your turn.

ITEM 242 OF 365 LESS THINGS

The first of the clothes that were decluttered from my hubbies closet

Earlier this week I received a comment from Angelina requesting that I write a post about minimizing kids’ wardrobes. Below is what she wrote…

I love your blog, I read it everyday. I am a stay at home Mom with two kids. I was wondering if you can write about Minimalist Wardrobe for Kids. My kids have so much clothes, I don’t know how to keep up with them. My mother in law buys them clothes all the time, non-stop. The clothes are driving me crazy.

Keep up the great job, I can’t get enough of your blog, I’ve recommend your sites to my family and friends too.

Now first up I would like to say the I would not consider myself a minimalist by any stretch of the imagination although I agree in principle with the minimalist movement. I prefer to think that at best I am only at the start of that journey but like the feel of the trip so far.

That being said I will be happy to give my take on Angelina’s problem. Now I am going to be quite blunt here because I think there is no other way around this and I think in the long run Angelina will agree with what I am about to say. Her own comment/request hinted at the real problem here and I think she just needs a little advice on how to handle it tactfully. I am not always the most tactful person though I must admit but I will give it my best shot.

Angelina’s problem isn’t her children and it isn’t their wardrobe the problem is that her Mother-in-law doesn’t know when enough is enough. She means well I am sure but excess is not only bad for the environment but it is also not a good lesson to teach children. Unfortunately, the only solution to this problem is to make a request of the MIL to cut back on this unnecessary supply of clothing.

Now I don’t know how close their relationship is but, no matter what, she cannot idly stand by and let this continue. We often make the mistake of sacrificing our own needs for the needs of others but when the other person’s actions are having a negative effect on more than just ourselves (although that really is enough in some cases) then it  is time to stand up for what you believe in.

There clearly needs to be a conversation between Angelina and her MIL and perhaps it should go like this.

1. Lead in with a compliment…“‘MIL you provide such lovely clothes for the children, they are always so neatly dressed and I can see you love them dearly”….
2. Continue with a little gratitude…“and I am grateful to you for your generosity”…
3. Then comes the BUT… “but the quantity of clothes you provide for the kids is just too much. There is no way they will ever get the full value out of each item when there are so many to choose from and it is such a waste. This excess is not a good lesson to teach the children and not good for the environment either”. You may want to add something here about your goal to cut down on clutter in your home.
4. Now is when the request comes in with a little lacing of more gratitude for sweetener…“It is not my intention to upset you but I really would prefer that you cut back on the quantity of clothing you have been buying for them. I do appreciate your generosity but it is just too much. Do you think you could do that for me?”

At no point in this conversation have any demands been made. There is a good balance of gratitude and a clear explanation of the concerns both for Angelina’s thoughts on the waste involved and the feelings of the MIL. I think this formula can be adapted to fit with a number of situations to request people to cut back on the excess they provide you against your personal requirements.

I have made a page of this called Request Formula in case you would like to reference it for future issues. I am always open to suggestion on improvement so if you think I need to add something to it please feel free to let me know.

Well Angelina, I hope this was helpful to you and I look forward to hearing how things went for you with your mother-in-law.

ITEM 219 OF 365 LESS THINGS

We bought this set of snorkel gear when on vacation once. We should have left them at the beach for someone else to take as they have never been used since. I gave them to the son of a friend because they go to the beach all the time.