In response to yesterdays post I received this comment from Deb J…

I don’t recommend white lies and they are still lies and can often come back to bite you. What I have done to take care of this is to say up front with people who are gift givers that I love receiving gifts but I am not sentimental about them. So if some point comes along when I no longer feel they suit my taste or have a purpose I may give them away of sell them. I think that most people who know me now know this about me. I don’t have to worry about being asked about something. I also try to make it clear to those I give to that I feel the same way as far as something I give them. I try to make sure that anything I give is something they want at the time but I also tell them that I know that over time we change and they don’t have to keep it forever and put it out when I come visit. It’s so freeing.

…that really got me thinking. I know Deb J is right that little white lies can come back to bite you but that in itself raises more questions about this topic.

• How often have we accepted these gifts politely when we really didn’t want them in the first place. That is a little white lie in itself?
• How often do we get so enamoured with the crafts that we do that we don’t even really consider whether those we are gifting will appreciate it. Are we just looking for an outlet for our creativity?
• How often does someone show proudly what they have created and we politely say that is lovely whether we mean it or not (another little white lie) and then find ourselves being gifted a similar item soon after? I am sure if my friend Liz reads this she will probably be thinking “Like all the jewellery you keep making for me”.

Some people are very aware of their intentions and happily give and receive these kinds of gifts making it known that there are no strings attached. Unfortunately not everyone foresees the dilemma they are creating for someone else by giving these gifts. That being said, I am not sure I can ever remember a time when someone flat out asked me “where is that such and such I gave you, I never see you use it?” So maybe we are just being over sensitive about this situation and really are better off just taking our chances that we will never find ourselves in that embarrassing position.

Please read all the comments from yesterday and today (if we get more) if you want to get the most out of this topic. I seem to have a lot of crafty readers who have some interesting opinions on this.

ITEM 235 OF 365 LESS THINGS

These old suit bags have been stored away in my camphor wood chest for about 10 years unused so out they go. Add those years to the tally and now we have 89.5 years in total.

Following on from Tuesday’s post, Sentimental Clutter I wanted to bring forward some interesting points brought up in the comments and emails about gifts with strings attached.

Cindy had suggested about a week ago in an email to me that I should write a post on this very subject. Then MmmYarn made a comment about how she gives gifts in a very thoughtful way that I felt we could all learn from. So here goes..

There seems to be two kinds of gifts with strings attached…

1. Items gifted down through the family which you feel obliged to accept (whether you want them or not) and keep until you are at an appropriate age to pass them on to someone else. Or as Cindy so nicely put it “things that other people own but that live in your house”.
2. Gifts that are given to you with the intention (whether imagined or real) that you should keep forever.

Items in category one usually include things like china, crystal, furniture, silverware, jewellery, medals etc. Items in category two include some of the items in category one (usually new rather than antique) with extras thrown in like handmade items, gaudy trinkets, souvenirs and many more.

These gifts are often received happily and greatly loved and appreciated. Sometimes however they are accepted graciously and dutifully kept regardless of personal taste. Like I said the intention for you to accept or keep these items can be either real of imagined but either way you do not want to rock the boat with the giver (usaully a loved one or family member) in case you hurt their feelings.

In the case of family heirloom type gifts the chances are that if you just explained at the time that they are not to your taste and you would rather see them go to someone who would appreciate them more it may not come as such an affont to the giver as you might think. You have to weigh up which option you can live with the most, a little disappoint for the giver or a lifetime being stuck with the item you don’t want.

In the case of the other kind, it can’t hurt to accept graciously and use/display it for a reasonable length of time then pass it on. It will appear that you have enjoyed it as intended and like your not refusing the gift in the first place the giver usually won’t question where it has gone. No harm done. If they do ask and you think they can’t handle the truth I really think a little white lie may be in order here.

The one thing we do have control over is never to impose this stituation on anyone else. This is where MmmYarn’s thoughtful giving comes into play. Here is what she had to say in her comment “I should add I’m a knitter and give away a lot of my finished items. I actively encourage recipients to pass the items on when they are outgrown or no longer needed”. Willow was impressed with this sentiment and  said “I give away most of my knitting as gifts. Thanks for the reminder to tell people that they are welcome to pass the items along without guilt. My girls bring back their old sweaters to me and sometimes I unravel them and reknit the yarn into something else. Recycled and repurposed knits!”

Thanks ladies for your contribution to today’s post and let’s hope open guilt free gifting catches on.

Make sure you read the comments for this post as there are some great examples coming through of other readers experiences in this matter.

ITEM 182 OF 365 LESS THINGS

I probably should have decluttered something today to fit in with my post but I didn’t. Although I do have a few things in mind these bowls will have to do for now.

One thing that is ever-changing these days is technology. I couldn’t count how many times we have upgraded our computers from when we first bought one in 1991. As you get more and more computer savvy and able to do things like build them yourself it is inevitable that certain components are going to get set aside for “one day” when you decide to do this or that with them. Somehow, “one day” never comes and every time you look at that ever-growing pile of “junk” you feel guilty or inadequate that you haven’t built that incredible “whatever” with it.

Give yourself a break, sell them on eBay or toss them in the garbage they are probably outdated now anyway  and only capable of making you feel like crap. This theory applies to numerous past obsessions that no longer really float our boat, like that old sewing machine that never gets used anymore, cupboard shelves full of unstarted aeroplane models  or scrapbook supplies that sit there reminding us how much was spent collecting them and now you never use them. There is a lot of psychology involved in “stuff” that we could happily do without so move on and don’t look back there is someone out there who  still has the passion for the things you once loved so set them free.