Following on from Tuesday’s post, Sentimental Clutter I wanted to bring forward some interesting points brought up in the comments and emails about gifts with strings attached.

Cindy had suggested about a week ago in an email to me that I should write a post on this very subject. Then MmmYarn made a comment about how she gives gifts in a very thoughtful way that I felt we could all learn from. So here goes..

There seems to be two kinds of gifts with strings attached…

1. Items gifted down through the family which you feel obliged to accept (whether you want them or not) and keep until you are at an appropriate age to pass them on to someone else. Or as Cindy so nicely put it “things that other people own but that live in your house”.
2. Gifts that are given to you with the intention (whether imagined or real) that you should keep forever.

Items in category one usually include things like china, crystal, furniture, silverware, jewellery, medals etc. Items in category two include some of the items in category one (usually new rather than antique) with extras thrown in like handmade items, gaudy trinkets, souvenirs and many more.

These gifts are often received happily and greatly loved and appreciated. Sometimes however they are accepted graciously and dutifully kept regardless of personal taste. Like I said the intention for you to accept or keep these items can be either real of imagined but either way you do not want to rock the boat with the giver (usaully a loved one or family member) in case you hurt their feelings.

In the case of family heirloom type gifts the chances are that if you just explained at the time that they are not to your taste and you would rather see them go to someone who would appreciate them more it may not come as such an affont to the giver as you might think. You have to weigh up which option you can live with the most, a little disappoint for the giver or a lifetime being stuck with the item you don’t want.

In the case of the other kind, it can’t hurt to accept graciously and use/display it for a reasonable length of time then pass it on. It will appear that you have enjoyed it as intended and like your not refusing the gift in the first place the giver usually won’t question where it has gone. No harm done. If they do ask and you think they can’t handle the truth I really think a little white lie may be in order here.

The one thing we do have control over is never to impose this stituation on anyone else. This is where MmmYarn’s thoughtful giving comes into play. Here is what she had to say in her comment “I should add I’m a knitter and give away a lot of my finished items. I actively encourage recipients to pass the items on when they are outgrown or no longer needed”. Willow was impressed with this sentiment and  said “I give away most of my knitting as gifts. Thanks for the reminder to tell people that they are welcome to pass the items along without guilt. My girls bring back their old sweaters to me and sometimes I unravel them and reknit the yarn into something else. Recycled and repurposed knits!”

Thanks ladies for your contribution to today’s post and let’s hope open guilt free gifting catches on.

Make sure you read the comments for this post as there are some great examples coming through of other readers experiences in this matter.

ITEM 182 OF 365 LESS THINGS

I probably should have decluttered something today to fit in with my post but I didn’t. Although I do have a few things in mind these bowls will have to do for now.

ITEM 120 OF 365 LESS THINGS

This grooming set is a prime example of where communication is important when it comes to not cluttering up your home.

I assumed that this was a gift to my husband from perhaps his grandmother and therefore  had sentimental value as well as being functional. This week on a whim I took them out of the laundry cupboard and asked my husband if he still wanted them. His response was “No I don’t,  I thought you used them”.

So they have been sitting in cupboards moving from one house to another for heaven knows who many years and nobody has used them in all that time. Needless to say they won’t be residing in our house any longer.

It just proves the odd little saying – ASSUME makes an ASS out of U and ME.

Today’s item is a great example of giving back. My mother-in-law gave me this bead spinner because she knows I do a lot of beading and she thought I would find it useful. I think she may have purchased it at a garage sale or the like especially for me.

It seemed like a great little gadget and I was most appreciative of her kind gesture.  Unfortunately after experimenting with it a number of time I found it did not live up to the expectations I had of it to make threading beads quicker and easier.

This item could then have easily been relegated to the “well I can’t get rid of it because my mother-in-law gave it to me” status but I decided that since my mother-in-law is a reasonable person I would just tell her that I hadn’t found it all that useful and ask if she would like me to return it to her.

She was very accepting of the situation and said she would be happy to have it back as she could sell it at her stall at the next doll enthusiast show. Everyone was happy.

Now that wasn’t so hard and it just goes to prove that if you have a good relationship with a person trivial little matters like this will not spoil your rapport with each other.

Thanks Barb, if you are reading this, it’s good to know that after 23+ years we still get on as well as ever.

ITEM 106 OF 365 LESS THINGS

Colleen’s Helpful Hint of the Day

To get pen marks out of clothing. Spray with hairspray before putting the the wash.

(Always test fabric in inconspicuous place before using this method)

Today I just wanted to point out that just below the photo for each days Post there is a tiny word “comments”, if you click on that you have the opportunity to leave feedback,  share your stories or even mention an area of decluttering you might like help with.

I would love to hear from you and appreciate your tips and views.

Yesterday I had a comment from Janetta who has been inspired to start decluttering again. She is even reducing by  a bag of things some days because they are only small items.  As I have said before “Every Little Thing Counts” whether alone or by the bag.

Below is a list of small thing that I used today to make a Reusable Car Bingo Game for my niece and nephews.

• 2 Laptop Screen Protectors
• 2 sheets of chipboard
• 3 Sheets of coloured paper
• 4 whiteboard markers
• Screen clean sachet
• Plastic Box

These were all excess items and resources taking up space in our office/craft room. The screen protectors were from a laptop we no longer have. The whiteboard markers were from a stockpile no doubt at risk of going dry and useless in the drawer waiting to be used.

I am sure the kids will be thrilled with the result and I am happy to have purged yet a few more things.

Here is the photo of the Bingo Game I made for the kids.

While looking in the linen closet to determine whether there were any old towels I could throw away my attention was drawn to some rolls of gift wrap and a box of gift bags. Which got me thinking about the chest full of other gift wrap paraphernalia in the closet down stairs

Now you may think what I am about to suggest is strange but I will explain my thinking as we go along.

I rarely buy gifts (This is strange to most people). I live a long way from most of my family, postage costs are ridiculous and they all can pretty much afford to buy anything they would want anyway, as can I.

Not to mention the fact that I am embarking on this lifestyle change of de-materialising and not bowing to the continual bombardment of the retail industry insisting my life would be so much richer with this product or that.

So I pulled the chest out of the closet and started to sort out the gift bows that have already been recycled several time during past Christmases and threw away all the ones that looked like they had been recycled too many time already. This reduced the number enough so that I could empty the chest into a small  drawer in the guest bedroom.

As we have been selling a number of items on eBay lately and have run out of brown paper to wrap boxes in for mailing I have decided  I will turn the gift wrap inside-out and use the white side for wrapping boxes  the next time I need to mail something. I have plenty of new and used gift bags I can use for any occasion when I might need them in the future.

I transferred my children’s keepsakes into the lovely chest I had emptied therefore eliminating one more box out of the shoe cupboard.

As a result of this exercise I have de-cluttered, recycled, re-designated (I love to live outside the box) and reshuffled creating a little more space.

I would just like you to know that my family and friends understand that gift buying  is not necessary to a loving relationship. My family would prefer I spent my money on the travel to come and visit them and my friends would rather enjoy a day together going to the movies,  having a meal together or something of that nature. I am not a complete scrouge.

Oh! By the way, I am going to a wedding this weekend and the couple, who have been living together for a few years, have the good sense to have a “Wishing Well” so people give money as the gift and they don’t end up with a house full of unneeded clutter.

These are the bows that found their way to the garbage today.

Rule number one of de-cluttering…

Just because you have something that was given to you as a gift doesn’t mean you can’t get rid of it.

A quick story to emphasise this point. When moving house once when I was a teenager we were packing up a clock that had hung on the kitchen wall for as long as I could remember and for just as long it had been 10 minutes fast. One of us said to Mum “Isn’t is time we got rid of that stupid clock it has never kept time properly” and my Mum’s response was “I can’t get rid of it, it was a wedding present”.

While carrying the box  the clock was sitting in up the stairs to the new house, it fell out of the box and smashed to a hundred pieces all over the stairs. My mother laughed and said “well that’s the end of that”, swept it up and seemed quite happy to see  the last of it. She clearly didn’t care for the clock and had kept it all that time just because someone had given it to her.

Lets face it, people don’t scope your house for the gifts they have given you when the come to visit, and if they do well that’s just a little weird. Maybe they will learn to stop buying you stuff that is not appreciated and is only likely to make it to the next garage sale.

This goes both ways so next time there is an occasion where gift giving is appropriate, donate something to a charity on their behalf or buy them something consumable like chocolate,  fresh flowers or a fruit basket.

Todays item is a bike that has rarely been ridden in the ten years since I bought it. I am donating it to “The Bike Guy” in Newcastle who collects bikes from all over and passes them back on to anyone who drops by who wants one.