Cindy and Colleen: Friendship, the best gift without strings.

Cindy’s Weekly Wisdom

 First of all, and most importantly, Colleen and I had a fantastic time. Steve was super, and we all had a good time getting to know each other.

Now to our regularly scheduled blog…

Have you ever been told, “If you don’t want this, be sure to give it back?”

How about, “(Deceased relative) wanted you to have this. Be sure to take really good care of it.”

Or, “You so admired mine, that I bought you one too.” A variation of this one is, “I really admired this item, so I bought it for you.”

Or, the most dreaded of all, “Where’s that (fill in the item of your choosing) that I gave you for (holiday)?”

Oh, gifts with strings, what a trouble they can be. The strings are demands that you care for, cherish, account for, value and possible return gifted items in the way that the giver expects.

Let’s be kind: gifts are meant to show someone we care, that we were thinking of them, that they’re important to us, or that we remember a special day in their lives. So why are they so fraught with anxiety at times?

Because…

• We get things we don’t need.
• We get things we don’t want.
• We get things we don’t like…at all.
• We get things that giver can’t afford (or, truth be told, things that are a lot less than what we believe that gift giver can afford)
• We get things that feel like they were purchased without thought (really a trouble when it’s a spouse or dear friend)
• And, we get gifts with strings.

A couple weeks ago, I wrote about our inability to control things that no longer belong to us. This same lack of control applies to gifts, or it should. Once you give a gift, or someone gives a gift to you, that item is no longer under the giver’s control. It’s not yours anymore. Don’t give gifts with strings, and don’t accept a gift with strings. We all have so many things we try to control, why try to control an object that lives with someone else? If you feel that you repeatedly give a certain person gifts that he/she doesn’t appreciate properly, take a hint. Give something different, give nothing, make a donation to charity, but don’t keep trying to control what isn’t yours.

Today’s Mini Mission

Take a quick look in the master bedroom and find something to declutter. It’s that simple. Don’t fuss, don’t hesitate, just find that one thing and get it out of there.

Today’s Declutter Item

Here is a little more stationery clutter. This one is a little obscure though so I am keeping an eye on it at the thrift shop. If it doesn’t sell soon I will bring it home and try to find another option to find it a new home. I don’t want to clutter up the thrift shop with my clutter. (Drat! I don’t know what the obscure object was. Somehow I deleted it when I insert the post. Sorry Colleen! You’ll just have to tell us what the photo would have been.)

“In daily life we must see that it is not happiness that makes us grateful, but gratefulness that makes us happy.” Brother David Steindl-Rast

It matters not how fast I go, I hurry faster when I’m slow.

Cindy’s post in February ~ Too Good to Use ~ got me thinking about a few things in my house that are too good not to use. What is the difference you might ask between being too good to use and being too good not to use. I will explain that to you now.

There is nothing in my house that I consider too good to use. It isn’t that I don’t have some nice things I just tend to use nearly everything and the things less used aren’t that way because I think they are too good. This post does have me looking around to see if there is anything stashed away that could be utilised more often.

A couple of items do come to mind. There is a beautiful serving bowl that was a wedding gift from dear friends who have now passed away. It is a beautiful bowl but it never seems to be the right piece for the need at hand. So it is continuously passed over but too good not to use. Perhaps it is time to pass that piece on to someone who has a need for it.

The “good” dinner set is used when we have someone over for dinner but we really don’t do that very often. We tend to go out to dine with friends or have casual meal at home. Why don’t I just use it everyday you might ask. The truth is I am not that enamoured with it because it is somewhat cumbersome. Were I to make a choice between my everyday set and this one I would most likely keep the everyday set. I must admit I have considered more than once over the last two years whether I should declutter it. It is too good not to use, wasted languishing in a cupboard.

So what I am saying here if you have nice things use them but if you have nice things that aren’t being utilised for whatever reason maybe it is time to find new home with someone who will make the most of them. Good things are to good not to be used.

Today’s Mini Mission

Take a quick look in the living/lounge/family room and find something to declutter. It’s that simple. Don’t fuss don’t hesitate just find that one thing and get it our of there.

Today’s Declutter Item

This watch was given to me by my husband about 15 years ago. I used to use it before I carried a cell phone everywhere I went but now I just don’t. It is one of those things that are too good not to be used. So I have sold it on ebay. On only received $26 dollar for it but I was getting no value out of it in my jewellery box so I am fine with that. The dinner set and serving bowl I mentioned above will be declutter soon also.

I have no need for a watch

“In daily life we must see that it is not happiness that makes us grateful, but gratefulness that makes us happy.” Brother David Steindl-Rast

It matters not how fast I go, I hurry faster when I’m slow

Mini Mission Monday is about finding ten minutes a day to declutter. To make it easy for you, each Monday I set seven declutter missions, one for each day of the week for you to follow. It takes the guess work out of decluttering and makes it easy and “fun” for you to achieve some quick decluttering.

This week we are going to do Quick Look mini missions. That is each day we are going to walk into a different room in the house take a quick look, spy a piece of clutter and remove it to either the bin, the recycling, the donation pile or set aside to sell. While you are at it if you spy something out of place also rehouse that item. If you can’t see anything on the surface, so to speak, look a little deeper in a cupboard or closet. This is pretty much how I declutter all the time.

Monday – The kitchen

Tuesday – The living room, lounge room or whatever you call it in your part of the world.

Wednesday – The master bedroom.

Thursday – The bathroom.

Friday – The garage.

Saturday – The dining space in your home.

Sunday – The den/office or another bedroom.

Once you have accomplished this weeks mini mission you will realise how easy decluttering can be. It doesn’t have to be a major upheaval just a quick look, swoop and achieve.

Good luck and happy decluttering

Today’s Declutter Item

I took a quick look in my bookcase and decided we have no need for these bookends because we own so few books these days. I will take them to the thrift shop so my friend and co-worker Lori can use them in the book display shelves.

Bookends

It matters not how fast I go, I hurry faster when I’m slow

A decluttering story from Debbie from Alberta Canada

I came across your website last year and proceeded to read backwards through the archives. I follow several blogs on minimalism; but yours has really helped me the most with my steps towards minimalism. One thing I thought I’d share is my ‘ah ha’ moment last year when our house we had listed for sale here in Canada took a long time to sell.

It was at an overwhelming time for us as we had purchased a great house in a great location that we were renovating while we were trying to sell the house we were living in. In order to declutter our house to get it ready to sell I was moving lots of stuff from one house to the garage of our other one. It seemed like I was constantly moving things around in the garage and covering things up so they wouldn’t get covered in sawdust etc. Each time I’d move something I’d think of getting rid of it; but felt the guilt etc of reasons I shouldn’t that you have covered many times in your blog – paid too much, my college age kids may need it when they are settled on their own, a relative gave it to me, I could eventually sell it and get $___ for it, I may need it in this house. I got the house we were still in ready to sell and our realtor commented that ours was particularly clean and organized.

Well a month went by, and lots of showings – but nothing. The problem was, we had renovated and moved houses several times over the years, and it had never taken us more than a month to sell a house. My kids would cringe when I would give them the drill that we had to keep everything in it’s place; but if we did the hard work we’d sell fast. Well this time was different, the housing market wasn’t what it was, and it became frustrating. Two months went by, then we took the house off the market for a while. We would concentrate on finishing our other house in hopes of finding a better time to list.

Without the stress of worrying about showings, one day I had my ‘ah ha’ moment. I looked at my house listed for sale and realized how much less stressful it felt living in this ‘staged’ house. Living in this house with less clutter had made it much easier to keep it neat, everything had a place, and I had developed a habit of putting things away right away when I was worried about getting a call from our realtor for a showing with short notice. I also began every morning of another habit of making our bed, something I’m embarrassed to say I rarely did before. I realized living in this neat, clean, decluttered house was the way I wanted to live in our newly renovated house.

I had started the tough first steps of decluttering before; but this was the defining moment when I realized I had to get rid of the clutter. We listed our house again last fall and sold in the first couple of weeks it was listed. Since our two houses were only a few blocks apart we moved everything on our own. It was at one point that my husband said, ” Boy we have a lot of stuff!” That was all I needed to get him on board.

Your postings on how you’ve overcome issues with decluttering have really helped. One example – I had received an old trunk from my grandmother several years ago. She has since passed and it wasn’t going to find a spot in this new house. Sure I could have found a spot for it; but not in a decluttered ‘staged’ house and it didn’t suit our decor for this house. As the oldest of 5, I sent out an email to my parents and siblings that it was up for grabs (and to be kept in the family according to my dad) and I ended up doing a draw as 3 people wanted it.

We moved into our renovated house, and although we have some painting and trim that didn’t get done in time, we are concentrating on getting all the rooms decorated first ( I know, sounds backwards ) and have steadily been selling and donating items that aren’t going to work in this house. We would have been constantly moving things around if we had tried to finish absolutely everything first. When this stuff is out of the way we’ll have less to cover up and finish the touch ups.

Today’s Mini Mission

Fridge Declutter ~ Since everything is clean on the inside and out why not move the fridge out of it’s position today and clean underneath it. Perhaps if it is an old fridge it might be an idea to give the element on the back a bit of a vacuum.

Colleen hasn’t said anything about her vacation, but she is in the United States.  In fact, she’s in Austin, and we had dinner last night and are out doing “girl things” today. So exciting! This is the first time we’ve met. Anyway, I am vetting the choices for the next few Friday Favorites. Let’s see how I do! -Cindy

Favourite Comments. Enjoy!

GreyQueen’s comments about making sure one is prepared for death may have been better than the post that inspired them. http://www.365lessthings.com/?p=2464#comment-20734

Spendwise Mom definitely knows how a well-organized kitchen should be managed. http://www.365lessthings.com/?p=2420#comment-20726

Spendwise Mom (again!) sums up the need to declutter beautifully and simply. http://www.365lessthings.com/?p=2327#comment-20724

Brenda really toots Colleen’s horn in this comment, which is why I liked it. http://www.365lessthings.com/?p=2329&cpage=1#comment-20806

Lynn asked about how many “dainties” a gal really needs. I think my answer is worth a read. I wonder what your take on underclothes is. http://www.365lessthings.com/?p=2329&cpage=1#comment-20806

Favourite Web Finds. Happy reading!

This is a fascinating article by a woman who is obsessed with decluttering. Way beyond what is healthy and normal, in my opinion. See what happens when the opposite extreme rears its ugly head and tell me what you think.

A virtual store in Korea – no goods, no clerks. You just tell your smart phone what you want, and it will be delivered to your home or office. Interesting but a bit eerie.

Decluttering the refrigerator was the theme of this week. Ugly House Photos is always good for a laugh, and it won’t take you but a minute to see why you really should clear the front of your refrigerator. . . and everything else in your house.

Today’s Mini Mission

Today is the day to declutter the inside of the freezer. Maybe it would be a good idea to plan tonight’s meal around using up bits and pieces in there.

Today’s Declutter Item

The shirts these ties match are long gone but the ties themselves remain. Well no longer.

Ties that match shirts no longer owned

It matters not how fast I go, I hurry faster when I’m slow

I really enjoyed Cecily’s post from Tuesday. I very much agreed with her that we need to be honest with ourselves in order to convince ourselves to let go of the things that have really just become a burden to us.

Some of the things I used to find hard to let go of earlier in my declutter journey were…

• Storage containers once they became empty of clutter. The inner dialogue that would creep in at the point of letting go was ~ But they are so useful what if I find I need them later on. And my honest response was ~ I don’t plan on cluttering up my house again so I will make sure I won’t need them.
• Craft supplies. The what if argument would rare it’s ugly head again here too ~ What if I find later on that I have more free time to concentrate of being creative? My counter argument was ~ You still have more than enough supplies to keep you occupied for months maybe even years so enough is enough.
• Small sentimental items. The argument here was centred on the fact that they didn’t take up much room so what does it matter? I soon learned to counter with ~ Every piece of clutter is clutter no matter how big or small. Lots of small things add up to big clutter in the end. And generally these things were hidden away where I never saw them anyway so why keep them.
• Clever useful gadgets. No matter how clever and useful they are and no matter how much respect I have for clever design if I am no longer finding a use for them then they have become clutter to me. And rather then be wasted they should be set free to be useful to someone else.
• Things I still use regularly but had too many of. For example, pens, hand towels, craft supplies (again), coffee cups, glassware… this list could go on and on but I think you get the idea. All of these things get used often in my home and yes if I were to keep the excess they would eventually get used due to natural progression through wear and tear. BUT ! (did I make that clear enough)… that could take fifty years and putting aside that fact that I may not live that long the object of this exercise is to reduce clutter, all clutter. If I have to buy a pen or a cup forty years from now I think I can live with that.

I think you get the idea. Think about the things you own. Anything that feels like clutter probably is clutter. And if in doubt put it under careful scrutiny before walking away and trying to ignore its presence. Let it go and enjoy the freedom of living with less.

Today’s Mini Mission

The inside of the fridge always is in need of a little decluttering no matter how soon ago you did it last. Have a dig around and see if there is any out of date items or just items that you keep thinking you will use up one day but never do.

Today’s Declutter Item

These were one of those useful little things that I had to convince myself to let go of. They were being useful for some time holding foreign coins that were totally useless to us once we returned home from trips abroad. Once the coins were donated the pouches really weren’t needed either. Ignoring the argument that I might find a use for them in the future took a little effort but I got rid of them quick so there was no turning back.

Useful little pouches

“In daily life we must see that it is not happiness that makes us grateful, but gratefulness that makes us happy.” Brother David Steindl-Rast

It matters not how fast I go, I hurry faster when I’m slow

Cindy’s Weekly Wisdom

Cindy

First of all, this story has a happy ending, although it sure didn’t look like it would when it all began.

A few months ago, a dear friend of mine was in a very dark place and disappeared. Literally gone. You can image what my husband and I feared. My friend has no close relatives and no spouse; I am the executor of his estate. I felt a lot of emotions during this time, and one of them was outrage: “How DARE you go off and leave me with all this sh*t to take care of! How dare you not clean up your own mess before you dumped it in my lap!” You see, my friend is a bit of a collector (perhaps even a bit of a hoarder) and his mother, who hung onto to everything she ever purchased, large and small, had died the previous year. He had all of his stuff and all of hers too, all undealt with. I couldn’t believe that in addition to dumping a giant emotional burden on me and my family, he’d also left me with a huge mess: a house that couldn’t be sold because of unfinished remodeling projects; an oversized garage was full of his and his mother’s stuff; a bedrooms serving as a storage room. I was furious (and heartbroken, and scared, and determined to find him, and a mash of every other emotion you can image).

The best news is: We found him and in the subsequent several months, he’s doing so much better. It’s truly a gift from God.

What lessons did I learn from this dreadful experience, and how does it relate to decluttering?

1. Organize your personal papers. What if, God forbid, the worst occurs and you die unexpectedly? Do your loved ones, who are already shaken by your death, know how to access your accounts? Do they even know where you bank? Can they access your email account? Could they cancel your movie rental subscription, magazines, and price club membership? Or are they going to be stuck guessing?

2. Make sure the you have a current will, power of attorney, and medical directive. (At least in the U.S.) I am not kin to my friend, and it clearly could have created a problem for me. This is so important for everyone, but especially, especially important to those who are single. There are will maker programs available, which I cannot endorse, but the power of attorney and medical directive are simply fill-in forms. They vary slightly from state to state, so search for them on the computer.

3. Finish one project before you start two more. People aren’t nearly as good as multitasking as they thing they are, and multitasking your life – in a big way – isn’t any more successful. Finish one project before you begin another. Don’t start painting the living room and removing the trim in the bedroom at the same time. Don’t have two quilting projects going at once. Finish one thing then move onto the next, or you may leave behind a troublesome trail of partially completed projects.

4. Clean up your own mess. We’ve all read comments on this site about people who were thrown into a giant mess left behind at the death of a relative. Sometimes no one knew Aunt Bessie was a hoarder, and the family has one weekend to clean out the house and put it up for sale. One of my employees told me about leaving her mothers’ dishes boxed up and in the trash pile because she wasn’t able to cart them away during the mad cleaning weekend. If you don’t want to deal with your junk, just think how much someone else doesn’t want to deal with it either. If you’re keeping your belongings because you really want to make sure they go to just the right owner, let me tell you, when you’re gone, they’re going wherever they land, so if it’s really important to you, take care of it now, while you can. Don’t feel overwhelmed. You can do this, one day at a time, 365 days a year.

5. If you’re struggling with poor mental health, don’t be afraid to tell others. God put us here to help one other.

Today’s Mini Mission

Perhaps what is stuck on the front of your fridge also spills over to the sides. Time to clear that off as well.

Today’s Declutter Item

We have no use for these chains, not that I can remember a time that we did. They have been loitering in the garage since out return from America and we in storage for 7 years while we were there. If we haven’t used them yet I dare say we never will so they will be donated like so many other things.

A little garage clutter

“In daily life we must see that it is not happiness that makes us grateful, but gratefulness that makes us happy.” Brother David Steindl-Rast

It matters not how fast I go, I hurry faster when I’m slow

A Guest Post by Cecily Paterson

365 Less things has inspired Cecily to begin her own decluttering journey. She lives in a small town of 1500 people and last month started a column in her local monthly newspaper called 123 Out, all about getting rid of unneeded stuff. And this is her story…

When I first started on my decluttering journey I thought that it would be a simple matter of removing items from my house. I was wrong. Getting rid of things I don’t need or want has been an exercise in truth telling.

I had an idea that when I came to a pair of jeans that have been sitting in my cupboard for three years, unworn and a size too small, I might have to bite the bullet and admit that I am too large for them. When the little voice in my head reminded me that I might fit into them next year because I am thinking of getting fitter and losing a few kilos, I had to tell the little voice that the reality is that I don’t want to be fitter and I am not going to do the work to lose those few kilos.

I might think that being fit would be a good thing but the fact that I sit on the couch more than I get up to walk shows me pretty clearly my higher priorities. After I told the truth I could get rid of the jeans.

It was a little bit harder to deal with the urn in my pantry. I bought this three years ago with great intentions of inviting lots of people around and serving lots of cups of tea. Unfortunately it broke after its first use and it has been sitting in the bottom of the pantry ever since.

“I’m sure I can fix that,” I said to myself back then. “It would be a waste to get rid of it.” Three years later I still haven’t bought the glue with which to fix it. I have had to admit to being lazy and unconcerned. The image I like to carry around of myself of being someone who fixes things has had a slight denting. Still, now that I have told the truth I can get rid of the urn. (By the way, I am donating it to a charity shop with all its pieces. Hopefully someone with actions rather than just intentions might fix it and use it.)

Even more galling to my pride has been dealing with my craft cupboard. I have more unfinished craft items than I care to admit to. I have had to tell the truth about time and my use of it. It’s not good enough any more to say, “well, I’m planning to finish that when I get time.” The simple fact is that I use my time for other things and craft is coming low down the list of priorities right now. I can say now that I probably won’t ever finish some of these unfinished items, and just by saying that I have found the freedom to let them go.

The act of physical decluttering has made me do some work in emotional decluttering and telling the truth. It has been surprising but very worthwhile.

Today’s Mini Mission

Not too many people I know have an empty fridge/freezer front. There are usually photos and kids drawings, invitations and a notice board. Clear off everything that isn’t essential and try living with a clear fridge for a while.

Today’s Declutter Item

This seemed like a good idea at the time but in truth it tended to count two or mare steps for every step I took. I like things to be a little more precise than that. I think I used it for about a week before I was over it. Sadly I must admit that was about five years ago. The step it took was to the thrift store.

Pedometer

“In daily life we must see that it is not happiness that makes us grateful, but gratefulness that makes us happy.” Brother David Steindl-Rast

It matters not how fast I go, I hurry faster when I’m slow

Mini Mission Monday is about finding ten minutes a day to declutter. To make it easy for you, each Monday I set seven declutter missions, one for each day of the week for you to follow. It takes the guess work out of decluttering and makes it easy and “fun” for you to achieve some quick decluttering.

I have dug this set of mini missions up from the archives as I figured it was about time we performed another fridge declutter. This week we are going to take care of not only the inside but the outside of our fridges as well, over under around and through in fact. So lets get started.

Monday – If you keep stuff on top of your Fridge/freezer clean it off and leave it empty for a while and see how you like it.

Tuesday – Not too many people I know have an empty fridge/freezer front. There are usually photos and kids drawings, invitations and a notice board. Clear off everything that isn’t essential and try living with a clear fridge for a while.

Wednesday – Perhaps what is on the front spills over to the sides of the fridge. Time to clear that off as well.

Thursday – The inside of the fridge always is in need of a little decluttering no matter how soon ago you did it last. Have a dig around and see if there is any out of date items or just items that you keep thinking you will use up one day but never do.

Friday – Today is the day to declutter the inside of the freezer. Maybe it would be a good idea to plan tonights meal around using up bits and pieces in there.

Saturday – Since everything is clean on the inside and out why not move the fridge out of it’s position today and clean underneath it. Perhaps if it is an old fridge it might be an idea to give the element on the back a bit of a vacuum.

Sunday - Sundays are a good day for leftovers. Whip up lunch today using up some more bits and pieces out of the fridge.

Good luck and happy decluttering

Today’s Declutter Item

I don’t have any fridge clutter to share with you today but I do have some little kitchen clutter. This set of ramekins have been in my kitchen for about five years give or take a couple of months and have never been used. Out they go to the thrift store.

Creme Brulee Ramekins

It matters not how fast I go, I hurry faster when I’m slow

Before we get on with today’s Simple Saturday post I just wanted to let you all know that I will have limited access to the internet for a few weeks.. My blog posts are scheduled to publish as usual but I may not always be able to respond to comments. So chat among yourselves and I will chip in a little when I can. There are some guest posts scheduled during this time so you might want to address your comments on that day to the author of the post. I will be back at the helm again full time at the end of the month. Enjoy!

Clever Furniture

Anita recently requested that I do a post about space saving convertible furniture, so here it is. If you click on each image, including LIFE EDITED you will be transported to some amazing space age furniture sites. I am not endorsing these companies just showing you what is out there in the way of versatile pieces of furniture that fit into very small spaces.

www.resourcefurniture.com

www.decodir.com

Matroshka Furniture

Today’s Mini Mission

Declutter a totally personal item.