Cindy’s Weekly Wisdom

The shopping is done. The wrapping paper is all recycled. You may have even packed away the ornaments until next year. (Were there any you decided to declutter?) But I bet there’s still one task you haven’t tackled, one that goes on all year long: Returns. Returns are a vital part of a well-organized and decluttered home.

You can return practically anything to practically anywhere. Even if you’re outside the store’s stated time limits for returns, you can still request a return. Speak to the manager. Really and truly, it doesn’t hurt to ask. (This is more applicable to the United States than it may be to other countries. Australia for one is much less flexible)

Surely you’ve looked on Craigslist or Ebay and seen a listing like these: “Bought for daughter but did not fit. Lost receipt, my loss your gain.” Or, “My loss is your gain. These are easily $70 at a store. If I had a receipt I would take it back, but I don’t.”

The first ad was for five pairs of Target brand jeans. I know that Target will take items back for 90 days, and that you don’t have to have your receipt to get a store credit, so why isn’t this mother returning the jeans? Placing an ad for clothing on Craigslist is way more inconvenient than any trip to Target could be and you will unlikely get the full cost you paid.

In the second case, why doesn’t this fellow ask where his $70 item came from? Even if we assume that he’s not asking because he fears hurting the feelings of the gift-giver, he can still try a return. While I don’t advocate intentionally returning something to the wrong store, many stores sell exactly the same merchandise, and especially after Christmas, will take back something that you’re not 100% sure came from there. Don’t feel bad; they stock ones exactly like it, and they’re going to resell it. If you feel uncomfortable, you can even say, “I got this from my sister. I don’t know if it came from here.” If it didn’t, they’ll tell you.

Buying online is a very popular option, but I am careful not to have something shipped to me if I’m not certain that I want it, particularly if return shipping is not included. Postage costs are very high, and I feel cheated if I pay for something to be shipped to me, then pay for it to be shipped back, and the only thing I have to show for my efforts is less money.

Big ticket items are the hardest to return but the most deserving of being returned. You’re only going to buy one TV this decade. If you get it home and don’t like it, it needs to go back. My girlfriend returned a gas stove once! Can you image how inconvenient that was? The thing was hooked up in her house and functioning, but she hated it and knew she did not want to live with it for the next 20 years. Any time you buy a big ticket item, make sure you understand the store’s return policy before you purchase. Sometimes furniture and art can be taken out “on approval” where the store charges your card but allows you to take it home for a day or two. The store won’t volunteer this; you have to ask.

When I buy something I’m not quite sure about, or something that won’t get used right away (which could translate to won’t get used … ever), I tape the receipt directly onto the item. Recently I was able to return house numbers that I’d had for almost 12 months because I still had the receipt. The store’s policy is that returns are only accepted within 90 days. First I called to assess if there might be a problem, but the clerk sounded pretty sure “we can work something out.” When I walked into the store, I checked to be sure that they still stocked the house numbers. They did, and as predicted, there was no problem getting a store credit, which I immediately used. (See Day 294 for my tips on managing your gift cards and merchandise credits.)

Especially as you’re decluttering, you will find brand new items that you could have, should have returned. Don’t fret! You probably still can.

Colleen – There is some good advice in this article and I like Cindy keep all receipts for items other than food for a certain length of time just in case. I keep my receipts in a coupon folder or in my file with warranty papers. I have had to retrieve such receipts many times over the years when…

• Things break during normal use within a short length of time or within the warranty period.
• When clothing shrinks, fades, goes out of shape/seams undo/ etc within the first few times of wearing and washing.
• When something doesn’t live up to what the advertising suggests it is capable of.
• When I have chosen and item because the sales person insists it is the right product for what I require and it turns out  it isn’t.

Just remember to clean out old receipts on a regular basis. And like Cindy says be reasonable about what you expect to the retailer to accept. It never hurts to try though because the only stupid request is the one you are to shy to ask for. Please try to investigate big ticket products where possible before making your purchase and remember to be open minded. Investigating doesn’t mean to only try to justify the exact item you thought you wanted in the first place and not having an open mind that the trendy/cutest/smaller/larger/ faster… product may not the one that best suits your needs.

Today’s Declutter Item

This is the sweater Liam was wearing when he had his accident needless to say they had to get it off him quickly. It went in the trash today but we kept what once was his favourite T-shirt that is in much the same condition.

Things I am grateful for today

1. Lunch with a friend again – I have been a bit spoiled the last couple of days.
2. Listening to other peoples troubles and realising how lucky I am.
3. More cherry tomatoes ripening on the plant in my garden that just popped up from one of last years seeds.
4. Liam happily co-operating with me when I asked him to help declutter a couple of drawers in his bedroom today- eBay here we come.
   
5. Friends that feel they can always be honest with me.
   

It matters not how fast I go, I hurry faster when I’m slow.

I received a comment from one of my readers last week who found herself in a tricky situation in regards to decluttering a certain object.  Read the comment below to understand the dilemma. I have edited it so that the artist involved wouldn’t recognise it is about them if by some weird twist of fate they should happen to read it.

I have a tricky one for you and your readers! A very good friend who comes to my house regularly  created a painting AT MY REQUEST for my birthday. That was 4 years ago, and to be perfectly honest, I didn’t really love the painting then, and I like it less now. It’s just too dark for my house, which I like to be light and airy. I’ve moved the painting from a prominent position to a sort of hidden spot in the another room, but I KNOW she would notice if it was gone, as it isn’t a big house. Maybe I could say one of the kids put their foot through the canvas?

The question is what should she do about the painting…

1. Should she donate it and hope the friend never asks where it went.
2. Should she be up-front and explain to the friend that the shade of it no longer suits her tastes and offer the painting back to her friend or perhaps ask if she can swap it for another piece that she likes better.
3. Should she persevere with it in another room where she looks at it less and then if the person asks at least she can say she still has it but felt like she needed a change.
4. Or is it alright to tell a little white lie (if the friend should ask about it’s whereabouts) that it somehow met its demise by way of a freak accident. Or perhaps say that another acquaintance simply loved it so much you re-gifted it to them because you were intending to buy a new one from her.

I asked my son the art student what he would feel/do as the artist who noticed it missing…

He said he would probably asked where it went out of curiosity but wouldn’t be upset if it had been passed on to someone else. He felt that four years was a reasonable amount of time to have had it displayed and would understand that a person may have changed taste and it no longer suited them. He said he would not be happy had it just been thrown away.

My husband tended to agree with my son but said he would prefer to have been offered the painting back.

Cindy suggested saying  “I love this painting, but the longer I live with it, the more I wish it reflected me/my lifestyle/ my beliefs / something, and I am wondering if you might warm it up / lightening it up for me.”

Not knowing the artist makes it hard for a third party to come up with the best possible solution but it also gives a more detached logical twist as to how to resolve the problem. I personally like the idea of offering it back to the artist and asking if you can swap it for one that matches your new shade preference.  That way the request in no way insults the painting or her/him as an artist but suggests that it is you the owner that has changed but would still love to own one of their pieces.

A true friend would understand and consider your feelings to be important so if this breaks the relationship then you have to ask yourself how strong was it in the first place. I know that I have given things to people and then have never seen them using the gift or displaying it, and I just chalk it up to me not choosing wisely in the first place. Unfortunately, not every one is this insensitive when it comes to giving.

I hope this has been a help to my commenter (who shall remain nameless) and to anyone facing the same situation.

Today’s Declutter Item

This was one of those foolish bargains too good to resist purchases before testing the product to see how well it worked. My guess is that they were a faulty batch and that was why they were selling them off cheap. Because they were crap and I am not sure why I thought 8 years was going to make a difference to their performance. Needless to say they went in the bin.

Things I am grateful for today

• Those odd little things you come across during your normal daily meandering that make you go “Interesting”. Everyday should be different in its own unique way.
• Lunch with a friend
• Cute moments when your kids say things that are quite wise for their age.
• Having a joke with my boy.
• My little girl is taking action instead of just sitting back waiting for life to happen.
  


Below are photos of the Christmas pudding that intrigued some of my readers during the lead up to Christmas. The first picture shows the pudding hanging after being boiled wrapped in cloth for 3 hours. The 2nd picture was taken right after the pudding was removed from the cloth after another 2 hours of boiling on Christmas day a week later (You can hang it for much longer than that). The 3rd picture is of my slice of pudding with custard and cream MMMM Yum. And the last one is of the pudding after everyone had a slice. If you would like a better look just click on one of the photos and it will take you the Steve’s Flickr photo stream.

It matters not how fast I go, I hurry faster when I’m slow.

I know I have written about this subject before but it is one of those issues that are worth revisiting every now and again. Especially for those struggling with it or who have only recently started reading my blog and don’t have the time or inclination to start at the beginning. I know I wouldn’t have that sort of time up my sleeve.

I think most people who read my blog would have a certain number of true sentimental items in their home. These items are often things like baby ID bands, a child’s old teddy, the glasses you toasted with at your wedding, Grandma’s engagement ring… We all have special things that we feel we will never part with. There is nothing wrong with keeping these items after all we are decluttering our homes and if these items are dear to us then they aren’t clutter.

However there is are another kind of  “sentimental” clutter that can pervade your homes. These are  items that we fear have more sentimental value to someone else and we are only keeping them to avoid feelings of guilt or betrayal. Or to avoid that awkward moment when the person who gave it to you notices it is gone. Sometimes this may be true but quite often it is a fear dreamed up in our own mind and the other person involved really wouldn’t care or even remember that they gave it to you in the first place.

Take a look around your home in fact grab a pen and make a list of the sentimental items in your home that you would rather not keep. I am sure you can probably list them all without even looking. These objects are often easy to identify. They are the items that you feel obliged to keep even though they have outlived their usefulness to you or perhaps in some cases never actually had any in the first place. They are usually items given to you as a gift, an heirloom that has been handed down through the family or something made for you by another well meaning person.

The good news is it is actually possible to part with these items with minimal damage to your relationship with the giver. I have managed to give away many such things over the last twelve months. And believe it or not I have not lost one loved one affection because of it. I have compiled a list of some of these items…

• A calendar holder my father made for me – It was very nice and I am sure another person would love to have it. It soon became apparent that it was not suitable for my needs because I couldn’t turn the pages with out taking it off the wall and pulling the calendar out. I am a person who likes to write my appointments on my calendar and this was just too difficult with this style of holder.
• A silver tea set my parents gave me for my 21st birthday – I just didn’t like to clean it and it only ever sat there looking pretty and was never used to serve tea.
• A crystal duchess set my sister gave me for my 21st birthday – It is a bit dated now and I haven’t used it for years.
• A wooded 21st birthday key plaque my Godfather made me – It has warped over the years of varied weather in the multitude of places we have live and would no longer hang straight on the wall.
• A granny rug made by my husbands grandmother which didn’t suit my decor.
• Wine glasses given to us at our wedding.
• A bead spinner my MIL gave me – I actually gave it back to her and she was happy to have it.
• Shot glasses that were my Grandmother’s – I gave them to a friend of the family who collects shot glasses.

I am sure there are many more things but I can’t think of them right now. Yes I did feel a little guilty parting with them and yes I had to give it some serious thought before doing so and yes all of the people involved still talk to me. No most of them wouldn’t even realise that the items are gone and if they do so they aren’t so rude to ask. And no I do not regret it because I should not have to keep something I don’t want in my own home.

So don’t be confused between sentimental value and obligation. If there is something in your home that you no longer and maybe never did want you have every right to remove it. Hand it on to someone else who will appreciate it more. In some cases that may mean handing an heirloom on to someone else within the family. In another case you may want to offer the item back to the person who gave it too you. Maybe you can sell the item or maybe donate it to charity. Either way you should not feel obliged to keep it there.

Item 364 of 365 less things

I think this cap confirms it, you can sell anything on eBay. It sold for $8, go figure!

5 Things I am grateful for today

1. Christmas is over for another year – That sounds a little negative but I am sure you all understand what I am saying.
2. To be home safe and sound from out road trip – This really is the most dangerous time of the year to travel.
3. One day to go – And I will have successfully completed my New Years resolution of decluttering 365 things.
4. Cool tiled floors on a hot day – They sure help keep the house at a comfortable temperature.
5. Being back in my own bed
   

It matters not how fast I go, I hurry faster when I’m slow.

In the spirit of giving at Christmas I have compiled a list of non cluttering gift ideas. This list can also be used throughout the year for birthdays and other gift giving occasions. I have cut and pasted a list I compiled back on Day 199 and added some more ideas. If you have any other great ideas to add to the list I will be happy to include them and then make a page out of it that we can refer back when ever we feel the need. So get those good idea to me via a comment I am looking forward to your contributions.

Edible Treats

• Chocolate/Candy
• Cake (provide a cake for someone’s happy occasion)
• Baskets of
  • Fruit (what could be more colorful or healthy than that)
  • Cookies
  • Groceries
  • Treats (candy, nuts, crackers etc)
• Bottle of wine / 6 pack of Boutique Beer…
• A home cooked meal is always a treat for a special occasion
• Home made treats like jam, cookies, pickles etc
• Take them out to dinner/lunch/ breakfast etc

Gift Certificate

• Dining Out – coffee shop, restaurants etc
• Hardware
• Groceries
• Spa Treatments
  • Manicure
  • Pedicure
  • Massage
  • Hair cut/colour
  • Facial
• Travel Vouchers
  • Flight
  • Bus
  • Train
  • Motel
  • Even just a local train or bus pass so they don’t have to pay for their commute for a week or so

Donations

• Give a donation to their/your favourite charity in the name of the gift recipient
• Donate your time to help out a charity on their behalf

Time

• Spend quality time together
• Do a favour that will save someone precious time
  • ironing sessions *
  • see also Automotive
  • house cleaning chores *
  • Child minding *
  • see also Garden below
• Recharge a prepaid cell phone for more communication time
• Instead of sending a gift make a visit to someone far away as their Christmas gift.

Garden

• Plants/cuttings/seedlings/flowers
• Doing some gardening for them
• Mowing their lawn *
• Prune bushes *
• Water the garden in dry weather or while they are away *

Automotive

• Wash and detail the car *
• Pay for a tank of gas or give them a gas gift card
• Pay for a car service *
• Take and pay for the cars next emissions test *

Friends

• Arrange a get together with a group of friends
• Bring two old friends together

Entertainment

• Buy tickets to a show/event/movie
• Take them out to a show/event/movie
• iPod downloads
• Video store gift certificate
• Theme park tickets or annual pass

Other

• Good old fashion cash
• Pay a bill for someone*
  • Electricity
  • Gas
  • phone
  • A weeks rent
• Flowers
• Gym membership
• A calendar (Most people use one and you get a whole years use out of it before it requires recycling)

Note:- For ideas with * beside them – If the time is not right immediately to follow through on this gift make up a voucher and give to to the person in a card. Make sure you follow throw when the time comes.

Sometimes the best thing we can do is to just be there for the special day.

Item 343 of 365 less things

A collector plate that my mum gave me when I was living in America. It was nice to see the Australian wild flowers on it when I was so far from home but now I only have to go outside. So I don’t need it any more and it has been sold on eBay

5 Things I am grateful for today

1. That I made the effort to go for a walk today- I have found far to many excuses not to bother walking lately and it is starting to show on my waste line. I think my frame of mind has been better today for making that effort and from getting some fresh air and sunshine.
   
2. A friend calling to have a coffee with me today – Between hospitals, medical appointments and family it has been hard to get away.
3. Libraries – I like being able to borrow books and magazines, it saves me money because I don’t have to buy them and I give them back when I am done so they don’t become clutter.
4. A smaller ironing pile – I am not sure what has changed in our home but the ironing pile seems to be much smaller these days. I think it was from Steve decluttering his wardrobe of a lot of collared shirts.
5. Leftovers – They are so convenient when you suddenly have to drop someone off somewhere when you should be cooking dinner.
   

It matters not how fast I go, I hurry f aster when I’m slow.

Cindy Bogard’s Weekly Post

There is a group of Canadian Mennonites who, along with AdBusters, promotes a Buy Nothing Christmas www.buynothingChristmas.org. While my family will not be having a Buy Nothing Christmas, we will be having a Buy Not A Lot Christmas. Each year, I’ve tried to cut back, usually with only moderate success. One memorable year, the kids got so overwhelmed by the number of gifts that we had to take a break from opening them. Good grief! Can you say “enough already!”

This year Christmas comes very close to my half-year of decluttering anniversary. Having looked so carefully at each and every one of the more than 1,200 things I’ve decluttered, I can say for sure that I have very little interest in purchasing.

The girls, too, have been decluttering with me every step of the way. They very much acknowledge that most of the gifts they’ve received have really not been as fun, interesting, or welcomed as anticipated. The amount of books, craft kits, and art supplies that have been shifted out of their rooms and into other homes is remarkable.

In addition to Christmas gift-giving, Clara’s birthday and her first diabetes diagnosis anniversary are the week before Christmas. While I try to look on her diagnosis day as “the day her life was saved” not “the day the wheels came off the bus,” there’s no denying that it has been earthshaking and deserves some sort of special acknowledgement.

So what will we be giving and getting this year?

Audra wants a kitten and, shhhhh, Santa is going to bring her one. Her other gifts will be cat-related items. However, in the true one-item-in, one-item-out tradition, one of the guinea pigs has found a new home at the girls’ school, and I’m trying to find a home for the other one. (Yahoo! This could be a two-for-one!)

Clara desperately wants her ears pierced. She will turn 11 in December, and she’s always been told that she could not get her ears pierced until she turned 13. As I said before, her birthday and diagnosis day are close together, and I figure that since she pokes herself to test her blood sugar at least 10 times a day, she can handle two more pokes.  I’ve invited her three closest friends and their mothers to meet us at the mall on the anniversary of her diabetes diagnosis, and we will all go to the earring store to watch her get her ears pierced. Then I’ll treat everyone to lunch. I think this will truly be a memory for a lifetime, just like Audra’s kitten. For Christmas, I’ll get her some earrings and let someone else get her the books and calligraphy set she’s asked for.

With my parents, we have a completely practical gift-giving strategy. Everyone is encouraged to say exactly what they’d like for Christmas, and if you describe its precise location in the store, that’s not going too far. (“Home Depot, aisle 14, bottom shelf, left hand side. It’s $34.99 on sale for the next week” is not too much detail.)

My husband’s family (four adults and one toddler) is a bit more of a wild card. I have finally realized that I can’t control them, I can only control myself. (It only took me a dozen years of trying to manage their gift giving for me to come to this fairly obvious conclusion.) All of us are blessed with plenty of income and the ability to buy everything we need and most things we want. What that means is that I will be informing them what sort of gifts we’ll be giving by sending an email that finalizes our visiting plans and states, “As in years past, the girls will be buying a gift for (the baby), and we will be making charitable donations for the adults.” (Hmm, I think that might need a little work, but you get the idea.) In return, I will ask for a donation to the Juvenile Diabetes Research Foundation (www.jdrf.org) or a gift certificate to my favorite store Amazon.com.  What they do with that information has to be up to them.

Will you be having a Buy Nothing Holiday?

Item 342 of 365 less things

A cable that we received free with one of those fancy schmancy calculators that the kids required in high school. The calculator was used but the cable never was.

5 Things I am grateful for today

1. Not only remembering to go to the supermarket on the way home from the airport but getting everything I went there for – I have been a bit of an airhead lately.
2. Steve remembering to get the lawn mowing man his Christmas carton of beer while he was at our house today.
3. An afternoon nap – I had a headache all day and needed some relief. Those new cushions came in really handy.
   
4. A great response to today’s (yesterday’s now) post – I had a amusing time reading about the odd things people have as clutter/precious possessions.
5. Lovely soft fresh bread
   

It matters not how fast I go, I hurry faster when I’m slow.

Family Birthday Parties without Clutter

A guest post by Cindy Bogard

On Day 209, Colleen wrote about having a clutter-free birthday for her 19 year old son. For those of you with younger kids who thought, “Sure, that worked for her; he’s 19 after all,” this post is for you. My daughters are 8 and 10 (just beginning 3^rd and 5^th grades), and I’m here to tell you it is possible to reduce their birthday haul without reducing their birthday happiness.

First of all, if you’re going to make any drastic changes to the way things have been, you need to prep your kids in advance. With my girls, the preliminary conversation was easy and began naturally. My eldest daughter’s birthday is right before Christmas, and we had celebrated her birthday at her Grandmother’s house. At the end of the evening, we packed up her gifts into a box and brought them home. Over Spring Break (March), I realized that the box was still sitting in my daughter’s room, largely untouched. That began the conversation about how much we enjoy receiving gifts – much more, usually, than we actually enjoy the gifts themselves.

What Colleen did for  her son, and what every birthday person enjoys, is feeling like the king or queen of the day. I have few memories of any particular gifts I’ve received, but I have great memories of parties and special dinners that were thrown in my honor. You child is no different.

This year when my daughter turned 8, I had been decluttering for 2 months, and clutter had become part of the flow of family conversation, which included my husband, my children, and my mother. I did have to send an email about it to my in-laws, and they were much more receptive than I would have guessed. (I’ve been trying to trim down gift giving for as long as I’ve been a part of their family, so they can’t have been too surprised.)

My daughter received a necklace holder made for her by her Dad, several pieces of jewelry, a lucky bamboo plant in a special container, and a rosebush for her garden – that’s it for gifts from her parents, sister, Godfather, and two sets of grandparents. (As an aside, I have to brag that my husband made the necklace holder only out of items he found in the garage – a decluttering project in and of itself –  and when she hung her necklaces on them, my daughter decided that she was through with two of them and that they could go to the thrift store.)

Where’s the part where she was the Queen of the Day? Her birthday was on Sunday this year, and she ruled from Friday night through Sunday evening. On Friday, we had a family birthday dinner where she selected the menu and opened gifts from other family members. On Sunday, she received a blessing at church, and I took her picture with the rector afterwards. She opened one gift before church and one gift after church. We watch a DVD and have pizza every Sunday, but as a birthday treat we went out to dinner and saw a movie at a theater instead. In between, every time we said prayers from Friday through Sunday, we said an extra thank you for her.

These things, I believe, are the memories that she will retain, long after any games or trinkets she might have received would have broken or been passed along to younger children.

ITEM 252 OF 365 LESS THINGS

Another craft ebay sale once again not a very lucrative one only $5.00 again.

In response to yesterdays post I received this comment from Deb J…

I don’t recommend white lies and they are still lies and can often come back to bite you. What I have done to take care of this is to say up front with people who are gift givers that I love receiving gifts but I am not sentimental about them. So if some point comes along when I no longer feel they suit my taste or have a purpose I may give them away of sell them. I think that most people who know me now know this about me. I don’t have to worry about being asked about something. I also try to make it clear to those I give to that I feel the same way as far as something I give them. I try to make sure that anything I give is something they want at the time but I also tell them that I know that over time we change and they don’t have to keep it forever and put it out when I come visit. It’s so freeing.

…that really got me thinking. I know Deb J is right that little white lies can come back to bite you but that in itself raises more questions about this topic.

• How often have we accepted these gifts politely when we really didn’t want them in the first place. That is a little white lie in itself?
• How often do we get so enamoured with the crafts that we do that we don’t even really consider whether those we are gifting will appreciate it. Are we just looking for an outlet for our creativity?
• How often does someone show proudly what they have created and we politely say that is lovely whether we mean it or not (another little white lie) and then find ourselves being gifted a similar item soon after? I am sure if my friend Liz reads this she will probably be thinking “Like all the jewellery you keep making for me”.

Some people are very aware of their intentions and happily give and receive these kinds of gifts making it known that there are no strings attached. Unfortunately not everyone foresees the dilemma they are creating for someone else by giving these gifts. That being said, I am not sure I can ever remember a time when someone flat out asked me “where is that such and such I gave you, I never see you use it?” So maybe we are just being over sensitive about this situation and really are better off just taking our chances that we will never find ourselves in that embarrassing position.

Please read all the comments from yesterday and today (if we get more) if you want to get the most out of this topic. I seem to have a lot of crafty readers who have some interesting opinions on this.

ITEM 235 OF 365 LESS THINGS

These old suit bags have been stored away in my camphor wood chest for about 10 years unused so out they go. Add those years to the tally and now we have 89.5 years in total.

After a rather hard day I wasn’t feeling very inspired to write a post today but that would just not be good enough. So I decided to annoy my son again with his clothing clutter and I quickly got the short shift there. So then I had to move to plan B. There wasn’t actually a plan B in place but I have a method that doesn’t usually fail me. I just picked a room and opened a cupboard and a couple of drawers and sure enough I found something I had passed over before.

As it turned out it was a couple of pieces of sentimental clutter hidden away in a drawer in my daughters bedroom. Funnily enough it was actually the third drawer down but I promise it isn’t a junk drawer. When I pulled these items out a thought suddenly struck me and that was how long had each of these items been cluttering up my home. Then I thought how much fun would it be if for a week I add together the clutter years of each item together and see how many years I come up with.

Today’s item has been in my possession for fourteen years. It was a gift from a job I left once and was bought for me by a very lovely lady that I was sad to leave behind.  I have never really used this for anything it has just sat in the china cabinet looking pretty for all these years. So technically it has been clutter for all that time. So that makes fourteen years to start the tally for the week.

ITEM 228 OF 365 LESS THINGS

This item has moved from one end of Australia to the other then to the USA then back to Australia again. It is in good shape considering how fragile the fluted edge is.

I received an email from Cindy recently with a list of topics she thought would be good to address on my blog. The one I chose for today is an issue I am sure we have all come across during our decluttering efforts. This is one of those dilemma decluttering issues. Here is some examples Cindy had to share with us…

The trouble with owning something “too good to use”

1. One on my friends started using her “good” dishes after hearing this story: A woman who had married a widower was using the good dishes of the previous, now deceased wife. She (the first wife) had never used the dishes, died without using them, as they were “too good.” The second wife decided she wasn’t going to let that happen to her.
2. At our house, I have wine glasses that are too good to use. (All Gifts) I probably have 60 Waterford wine, champagne, water, sherry, even brandy crystal glasses. I HATE using them. They have to be hand washed and EVERY time we use them, one gets broken. At $75 each, I feel so angry at the person who broken them, which puts a damper on my party hosting. My solution? My Mom bought me a dozen plain, sturdy glasses from the restaurant supply store. The Waterford stays in the china cabinet where it looks pretty (I guess, if you’re into that kind of thing, and my husband is) and it’s behind glass doors, so it all stays clean. We look at the Waterford, and use the cheap glasses.

1. When I was a little girl my godmother used to send me a china teacup and saucer for my birthday. I thought she meant for me to use them so I did. Years later she asked me about them and I told her they had all been broken over the years. She was very disappointed as she had expected me save them for when I was married I suppose. I made no apologies I liked them, I used them and they met their demise having been used for what they were intended. If I still had them now I may be sentimentally tied to them causing a decluttering dilemma.
2. Like Cindy I have a china cabinet cluttered with a selection of crystal glasses that very rarely get used. The wine glasses have been used over the years but the port glasses and decanter are just a waste of space really. We tend to use the less expensive glasses instead. Most of the crystal pieces were wedding presents but luckily not from anyone who would know if I got rid of them.

Unfortunately for Cindy not only does her second example fall into the “too good to be used” category but they were also a gift from someone who would notice if they suddenly were no longer in her possession.  If it were me I think I would enjoy using them for what they were intended and let fate do it’s own decluttering.

That being said I have decided to practice what I preach and put  all the cheaper glasses I have aside for my children for when they leave home and just use the good ones in future. Should they get broken then c’est la vie.

I received this comment from Calico Ginger this morning after she read this post and I thought it worth adding in case people don’t read the comments.

Well, I say use the “good” stuff for these reasons:
1. we all need as much beauty in our lives as possible
2. if you have kids, it teaches them to be careful – if you only use plastic/cheap stuff they never learn that
3. every breakage is an opportunity to a) make do with less or b) replace with something even more beautiful.

ITEM 194 OF 365 LESS THINGS

More of my daughter’s childhood stuff she has decided she doesn’t need to keep

One thing I have observed during the process of writing my posts, answering comments and emails, and reading other decluttering blogs is that lack of communication is a real problem when it comes to clutter. It causes clutter in the first place by people giving well meaning gifts that are not wanted by the receiver. Also because we try to protect others feelings people keep items they no longer want.

Although it is commendable to try to be thoughtful about others feelings, sometimes your own personal needs should take precedence when the result effects your new sustainable way of living. Sometimes we assume we know what the reception will be and give up on communicating before even trying. We fear what the reaction might be if we tried to assert our needs but often we underestimate how understanding others might be.

Taking into consideration what your motivation is behind decluttering and the passionate need you have to clear your space it would be very unreasonable for another person to reject your feelings. Even if the giver is a little disappointed I am sure they will forgive you this little indiscretion. If, however they are just totally unreasonable then I have to wonder if their selfish feelings are worth protecting.

Here are some examples of how you might go about refusing a gift or explaining the absence of one in your home on inspection by a giver etc.

• Refusing a gift: “Thank you so much, this is a really lovely gift but I really can not accept it. Please don’t be upset it is nothing personal. I have recently embarked on a more minimalist lifestyle and I am no longer bringing anything into my home that is not a necessity or consumable…”
• Inform friends and family you no longer wish to receive gifts: I just want to let you know that in future I would prefer that you no longer send/give me gifts for birthdays, Christmas etc as I have recently embarked on a more minimalist lifestyle and I am no longer bringing anything into my home that is not a necessity. If you would like to give consumable gifts or donate to a charity on my behalf I will be happy to accept.”
• When someone asks about a previous gift that no long resides in your home. “I am sorry please don’t be offended but I have recently embarked on a more minimalist lifestyle and I am greatly reducing the number of non-functional items in my home. It was a lovely item that needed a new owner that would appreciate it  so I have…  1) donated it to charity 2) given it to a friend who has admired it for some time 3) sold it and used funds to…”
• When returning something to the giver that you no longer wish to keep. “I am sorry please don’t be offended but I have recently embarked on a more minimalist lifestyle and I am greatly reducing the number of non-functional items in my home. This was a such a lovely/expensive/thoughtful gift and I wanted to give you the option a taking it back rather than me giving it away. I have enjoyed it up to now but it no longer fits into my new way of living.

ITEM 189 OF 365 LESS THINGS

It has been a while but at last we have another ebay sale these Rugby League Football magazines sold for $20.00